And now, the news…

July 2, 2003 2:35am
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Just a few of the more interesting articles I’ve come across over the past few days. Silly reporters…

Great White Shark Gatecrashes Tuna Dinner Party

SYDNEY (Reuters) – A Great White Shark has gatecrashed a tuna research project in Australia, mysteriously appearing inside a fishing pen containing around 100 tuna.

The 13-foot shark, weighing around 1,500 pounds, is thought to have either bitten its way into the tuna pond or leapt a 7.5 feet electrified fence while chasing a seal last Thursday.<<FULL STORY>>

“A head count of the tuna showed two had disappeared.” Must’ve sucked to be the guy chosen to make that count…I knew there was a perfectly good reason for not accepting that oceanography internship…

Study: Sugary Drinks Help Children Get Fat

WASHINGTON (Reuters) – The proof’s in the calories: those sweet sodas, bottled teas and fruit drinks can make your children fat, U.S. researchers said on Friday.

Children who drank more than 12 ounces of sweetened drinks a day gained significantly more weight over two months than children who drank less than 6 ounces a day, the team of nutritionists at Cornell University in New York found.

The soft drink industry has long argued that a lack of exercise and not the availability of drinks is responsible for the rise of obesity in the United States. <<FULL STORY>>

I want to be a scientist when I grow up. News Flash: eating stuff makes you get bigger, animals don’t like getting poked with sticks, and women still don’t find my lab coat sexy…

UK Lesbian to Give Birth to Online ‘DIY’ Baby

LONDON (Reuters) – A lesbian is to give birth to one of the first babies conceived in Britain using sperm provided by an Internet donor service, British newspapers reported Saturday.

The baby of Jaime Saphier, 26, is due in January. She and her partner Sarah Watkinson, 31, who live in the northwest city of Liverpool paid the Web site www. mannotincluded.com 1,305 pounds ($2,156) to match them with a sperm donor and provide a full medical screening of the donor.<<FULL STORY>>

Why do I somehow see ‘supply and demand’ just beating the tar out of this idea? Sure, it sounds like a great idea and maybe it would even help to offset some of our porn costs, but will the lesbians be able to keep up with our ever-increasing sperm supply? Will just anybody be able to do this or will it be one of these broadband-only services? Also, how much will any necessary adapters cost upfront, or will some sort of rental program be available?

Eminem Pulls a Jacko

Eminem’s latest celeb target: Michael Jackson.

The people-displeasin’ rapper, who has provoked Mariah Carey, dissed Christina Aguilera and denied “Weird Al” Yankovic, spoofed Jacko Tuesday in Scotland, dangling a fake baby from a hotel window.

As for Yankovic, the musical funnyman expressed disappointment that Eminem blocked him from filming a music video for his latest opus, “Couch Potato,” a reworked version of the 8 Mile hit, “Lose Yourself.”

Eminem’s rep said, at the time, that the rapper didn’t mind “Weird Al” messing with the song’s lyrics, but that he wanted to preserve its image.<<FULL STORY>>

I couldn’t care less about the whole Michael Jackson thing, but preserving Eminem’s image?! He’s fucking Eminem – what’s left to preserve? As far as I’m concerned, that’s like Jeffrey Dahmer suing for damages because he’s really just an artistic chef at heart…give me a break! Puffy (Sean Combs, P. Diddy, Schwang Doodle, or whatever…) let him do it, so what’s the problem?

Just think – if the news wasn’t so exciting, I might actually be writing right now…

2 Responses to And now, the news…

  1. meg_bunny says:

    Sharks scare the dickens out of me. 🙁

  2. scott says:

    Dickens scares the crap out of me – that cemetary scene in A Christmas Carol still gives me the heebie-jeebies to this day.

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