God, I love this book!
In the Year 2000…
- An entomologist will discover a new social structure among honeybees – there are queens, workers, drones, and pollen whores.
- The military changes its “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy in favor of the controversial “prove you’re gay, I’ll be waiting in the foxhole” policy.
- After millions of years of stability, the food chain will suddenly reverse. Zebras will hunt down lions. Pop-Tarts will hunt down man.
- A desperate, sex-starved Monica Lewinsky will be spotted licking rocks at the base of Mount Rushmore.
- Plants will stop relying on sunlight, soil, and water when they taste their first chili dog.
- In the most unwelcome medical breakthrough ever, a cure is finally found for obesity: nudism.
- Plants the world over will stop producing oxygen in an attempt to rid the earth of “the Michael Bolton Problem.”
And last but not least…
- After several cohosts of The View disappear mysteriously, new cohosts are warned not to accept Star Jones’s traditional welcoming gift: a sleeping bag made of French bread.