So in a little less than 24 hours, I’ll be 25 years old.

If I’m lucky enough to live a pristine, monk-like-healthy sort of a life, that means that a quarter of it is now behind me, and as scared as I think I should be about that, I’m just not right now. I’ve got too much on my mind to be that forward-thinking.

It’s been a rough summer…hands down the very worst that I’ve ever lived out of all 25 of them.

I thought it would be over by now, and everything would be back the way it was. Hell, I thought it would’ve been over two and a half months ago, just in time to catch the 4th of July fireworks, but it wasn’t. It still isn’t, and I don’t know what else to do.

Only a few months ago, I had everything I’d never even known that I wanted out of life. I was so happy there were times that I felt like I was in a dream, and every now and then I feared that one day I was going to wake up. It was all perfect, and then on one cold Friday in May, I actually did wake up and my life hasn’t been the same since.

Just like the song goes, you really don’t know what you’ve got until its gone. It’s so hard to remember the good times and look positively towards the future when all that comes to mind is how much of an asshole you were when you were needed the most, but I’ve said it myself – some people just have to learn the hard way. Fuck…

Of everything that I’ve learned over the past 25 years, I feel like I’ve learned the most this year:

  • You’ll never know until you try. Just like that stupid poster in the breakroom at work says, you’ll miss 100% of the chances that you don’t take.
  • Love with the right person is worth more than anything else in the world – it’ll turn your life upside-down, make you beam the brightest smiles and cry the biggest tears. It sounds cheesy, but to feel incomplete without them is pretty darn accurate. Nothing compares and simply put, those who find it are the luckiest people in the world.
  • Enjoy the ride – you don’t have to try to change the world every single day. There’s too much to be missed if you don’t pace yourself.
  • When someone tells you that things could be worse, don’t be too anxious to ask, “Like what?” because one day you’re going to find out and you’ll suddenly realize that nothing else really mattered in the first place.
  • Tell people how you truly feel today because you never know when you’re going to get hit by the proverbial dump truck. Don’t walk away angry without giving her a kiss goodbye because you may never get the opportunity again…In a little less than 24 hours, I’ll be 25 years old…and of the one thing I want for my birthday more than anything else in the world, I know that the chances of my getting back what I once had are probably slim to none at best.

    I don’t know why I’m so down tonight, but maybe I’ve just kept it bottled up for too long. I know that you might not ever even read this, but for what it’s worth, I’m sorry, Les. You deserved so much better from me when you needed it the most…

    *sigh*

    Here’s to hoping that 25 is better than 24…

4 Responses to twenty-five years of reflections…almost

  1. badgie says:

    *hugs* Wish I was there, maybe I could give you more of a proper birthday, but alas, I am in CA. Well. Here’s to 25 years with all your limbs intact, a roof over your head, and an internet connection – and I hope this next year is fantastic. I think 25 is just one of those crap years that everybody has. 🙁

  2. clearlylost says:

    Sorry I never met you or her but I knew of him that you speak of. Never think things are the worst I’ve learned they can only get darker. Look at what you have with open eyes and appreciate it for what it is. Enjoy you birthday and don’t look to the past because it can’t be changed or lived in.

  3. jasonjm20 says:

    Pre birthday depression sucks…..hope you’ll feel better in the post.

    Peace,
    Jason Musial

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