Dream Journal : Not a Good Pet

July 20, 2014 2:03pm
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We were all staying at my grandparents’ house, though it was much bigger than in reality with several extra bedrooms and bathrooms off of each. Company was a mixture of family and friends and co-workers…

…and this thing that looked sort of like a baby pterodactyl…

Most of its similarities were that it was freaking nasty. I don’t remember how we had found it, but in the short time after we did it had trashed two rooms and killed a couple of people. Its beak was deadly – very long and very sharp, but also with crazy teeth on the inside of its mouth much different than what you would expect from a normal bird.

Of course, somehow *I* ended up holding it – under my arm with both hands clamped around its beak trying to keep it shut, and I spent twenty minutes frantically running around the house, trying to get someone to help me subdue the thing before I lost my grip and its killing spree resumed. It was flailing a lot, but we just didn’t have any place to put it – the closest was a dog cage, but we figured with teeth like that, it’d probably make short work of the thin metal bars.

Finally settling on duct taping its beak closed like you would an alligator, we found a roll of neon pink duct tape and managed to wrap him up, though we still didn’t know what to do with him from there. My friend said surprisingly seriously that I should put a leash on him and take him for a walk like a dog because he probably just needed to be outside, but I just looked at the droplets of blood all over my shirt from its past victims and said that wasn’t going to happen.

During this whole ordeal, somebody else had our employers on the phone, who saw the situation as more of a marketing opportunity than the extremely dangerous kill zone that the house had become. The boss wanted us to just hold tight so that they could think about it some more, and that on Monday they were going to setup a press conference to announce him to the world.

I pushed back very hard, saying that they had no idea what this thing was capable of, and that it had already killed two of our friends and needed to be contained in a proper research facility NOW.

Surprisingly, they said ok.

HAPPY AMERICA DAY!!!

July 4, 2014 2:00pm
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BrGib03CUAAUAPV

Author Unknown, but this picture is just way too awesome not to share :mrgreen:

Frog Blog!

November 23, 2013 11:46pm
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Spotted this little fella hanging out on the patio door this evening! Cleo got a little jealous and wanted to spook him away, but I was lucky to snag a couple of quick shots before she made enough noise to scare him off… 😉

Apparently we REALLY REALLY REALLY need frogs…

November 20, 2013 12:04am
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Guys, this is all news to me, too, but we CANNOT let the goddamn frogs go extinct!!!

VEoxs6j

Awesome Shark

July 15, 2013 12:53am
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This is one that I actually had while we were on our cruise, but it was pretty distinct so I thought I’d try to recollect it when I got back home…

I’m a pretty big fan of Kris Straub and Scott Kurtz – I read their comics, I loved their PATV show, I pretty much eat up just about anything that the two of them do together. Well, in this dream I must’ve sent Scott a copy of my new book to check out (note: in real life, it isn’t out yet, but maybe soon! 😉 ) because I was watching some random show that they were doing online and at one point the camera panned across his desk and I saw a copy of it sitting there as if he had been reading it, or at the very least he opened the package addressed to him that had contained it! Either way, that was pretty cool.

Fast forward and I guess at some point we must’ve become friends because the next thing I knew we were all hanging out at a party together, and we were having a great time, cracking jokes and playing video games with everyone else, when all of a sudden things started getting weird.

I remember wandering into a side room to find a smaller group of people doing things that they shouldn’t have been doing. The illicit vibe was very similar to what you would expect when you walk in on somebody doing drugs, but instead, we found ourselves facing a handful of guys instead playing with snakes that were slithering around all over the floor. Seriously, Indiana Jones would’ve hated this room, and I guess the three of us did too because we were not at all comfortable about walking in on this group of guys playing with live snakes! Occasionally one of the snakes would bite somebody and everyone would cheer, which just made it all the more disturbing, but when finally pressured to join in and pick one up ourselves, we all said “Hell no!” and immediately became the uncool guys at the party.

My last vision of this dream was being chased out onto the lawn by guys throwing snakes at us, and then I woke up just as the cops pulled in, lights flashing and sirens blaring, presumably to break up this illicit snake ring that we had accidentally stumbled upon.

In retrospect, I guess this one was a little fucked up, but at least we all learned an important lesson – friends don’t let friends do snakes.

Lizard Under Glass, Frog Over Glass

September 22, 2012 11:01pm
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I came across this rather amusing little scenario upon returning home from my walk with Cleo this evening. I like to imagine a little dialog between them…

“Hey, buddy – how’d you get in there?!”

“Nevermind how I got in here – how’d you get out there?!”

“I dunno. I guess I’ve just sort of always been out here! Hey, you should come out here with me – it’s a lot more spacious than it looks in there…”

“How’s about we trade places? You come in here, and then I’ll go out there for a while. It’s actually kinda nice in here – a little bright and warm, though…”

“Nah – I’m good. I guess I’m gonna go sit on that wall for a while. If you find a way out here, you should come join me!”

“Wait – don’t go!!!”

“Crap.”

frogs & lizards

August 18, 2012 10:07pm
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It’s been raining a lot, so likewise they’ve been out in troves. I decided to take a break from cleaning today to snap a couple of pictures…

It’s a snow leopard-eat-squirrel world…

August 1, 2012 8:50pm
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In happier news, though, here are some fun videos of things eating other things!

(still kinda like lawyers, though, if you stop and think about it…)

This last one is a little different, but I challenge you not to LOL as you watch its intricate story unfold before your very eyes…  😯

– King of Maturity, Signing Out! 😉

the Eighth Wonder of the Kitchen

May 1, 2012 10:12pm
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Dear Internet,

Why don’t I have one of these in my kitchen, and how quickly can we get this situation alleviated?!?!?!

Yours in love of Monkey-Based Culinary Tools,
– Scott

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