Is Pooh helping you poo???

June 20, 2014 12:48pm
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I just amused myself…

Gave Christopher his Pooh bear to cuddle with because he’s having trouble pooping, along with the comment, “Is Pooh going to help you poo???”

But I wasn’t even thinking about the simple Pooh Poo joke. It gets deeper than that.

No, instead my mind went to that Winnie the Pooh story where Pooh gets stuck in Rabbit’s House, and it just made me figure that if anyone is uniquely qualified to get a large object through a small hole, it should be him!

I’m off to buy antlers for my son’s butt now.


Father’s Day #1

June 16, 2014 12:59am
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Once upon a time there was a Christopher,

and one night he went to bed without giving Daddy any fuss…

And the next morning he was showered with presents, and gold, and he got to see Mommy again,

and Daddy wasn’t driven to jump off a bridge due to lack of sleep.

The End

Baptism vs. the Atheist

June 8, 2014 1:38am
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I honestly jump back and forth between atheism and agnosticism a lot … this post isn’t really about that, but I note this simply because it’s interesting to consider that my wife chose to identify me as agnostic in the interactions with her church leading up to this particular event – I guess because “it was easier.”

What I will say though is that I’ve noticed that I tend to go atheist more when there are specific issues with religion that I’m angst-y about and agnostic when I’m feeling less defensive about the whole thing.


So we got Christopher baptized today.


This was a big deal for my wife, who’s catholic, and kind of a big deal in the other way for myself. We’ve had countless talks, many long before we were even ready to have kids, about how religion would play a role in our children’s upbringing, and we always agreed that it had to be a mix where both of us felt comfortable about these subjects that we feel strongly about. And I knew that it was going to be a challenge for me in particular because on one hand, it’s not really fair to tell the kid, “Sure, you can get up early and go to church with Mom on Sunday, or you can stay home and sleep in with Dad!” … it’s hard to teach the absence of something without picking holes at the thing that you don’t yourself believe in.

There’s this ignorant comment that I see every so often on Facebook where a believer speaks against atheism by saying, “You don’t even believe in God, so why do you care if we pray in schools or put a cross out on the lawn? A cross is basically just a big plus sign to you people that believe in nothing.”

And aside from the mathematically impaired misunderstanding that a cross and a plus are in fact two different shapes, the underlying message always bugs me, too, because when I identify as an atheist, I’m not saying that I believe in nothing, I’m saying that I don’t believe in God. I don’t believe in a higher power. I don’t believe in all of these things that you worship and take sacraments for and people cite as the reasons for making decisions big and small in their lives.

And even more specifically, when I find myself leaning more towards atheism than agnosticism, again, it’s typically because of some horribly offensive element of Christianity that I couldn’t possibly imagine an all-knowing, all-loving god ever having any part of and I’m specifically trying to distance myself from those kinds of things that I often see in organized religion. So no, I don’t believe in nothing … I don’t believe in God, and I believe that what you believe in is wrong.

And I totally get how that can be offensive to someone who believes in god…

…but if we’re being frank, most religions don’t exactly seem to have a whole lot of respect for me when they’re trying to integrate themselves into a society in places that are specifically designed with a separation of church and state, trying to create new laws that align with their values without regard for anyone who believes different, not to mention writing me off as going to burn in hell for all eternity while all of the good, little Christians will be celebrating up in heaven.

That’s not very nice!

So to get things back on topic, I’ve been long anticipating that today was going to be a challenging day, but it was something that I was willing to suffer through for Sara because I know that it’s important to her, and eventually once he starts to get older, that’s when he’ll get to start making his own decisions. But for the time being, baptism at an early age is apparently important … my Mom says that *I* was baptized, so I guess it doesn’t work on everybody! I knew going in that it was going to be pretty uncomfortable … I knew that every time Sara had to give me an update on what the plans were and I heard the frustrations about how ridiculously picky even within their own ranks the catholic church is even when it came to picking his godparents because depending on what kind of catholic you’ve been throughout your life determines what kind of godparent you’re allowed to be.

It’s stupid, petty stuff like that that just makes my blood boil thinking about religion … it reminds me of when we were trying to get married and one of the priests we talked to actually emailed Sara afterwards and said that “because of her fiance’s lack of faith, he wouldn’t feel right turning his back on God to accommodate those beliefs at her wedding.” Real loving bunch…

Thankfully, the ceremony ended up being just about as painless as it could’ve been. Although there was some repeat after me and Q&A-type interactions, we’d already agreed that she would answer the questions and I’d just remain silent … and most of them were actually done as a big group of all 12 babies being baptized that day, so that made it less obvious. And the preacher was super nice and very down-to-earth and friendly, so that definitely helped, too, because I can’t stand the type who speaks of all of these positive stories about Jesus and then passes judgment in a veiled manner afterwards. I even heard of some of that while we were going through IVF because the catholic church doesn’t condone unnatural childbirth when she asked for a prayer during mass, though I believe it was actually this particular preacher who didn’t agree with that decision and offered to do one anyways…

The rituals themselves were just as weird as they always are and we joked afterwards about needing to take him swimming to get the oils off him that they used for whatever that part was. Luckily it wasn’t a long ceremony and there weren’t any parts singling out the parents to give them a chance to rededicate their faiths or anything … that’s always awkward on the occasions when I’ve gone with Sara because I have to sit there for 15 minutes while everyone squeezes around me to go up and get their cracker and wine or whatever.

And then we took some pictures, and then we came home and barbecued and had cake and went swimming!


I survived, and now Christopher has officially been relieved of original sin, even though that’s something I don’t believe in because the only sin that this baby has to his name so far is being absolutely adorable! Well, and costing me a small fortune to get him here. And that really nasty poop from the other week. But even that … sin is a pretty strong word for a baby, don’t you think?!

As far as I’ve been told, I’ve got a few years to relax now until my next ordeal with the catholic church on his behalf. Right now Sara occasionally takes him to church with her on Sunday mornings, but if it earns me a couple hours of free sleep without waking up to a screaming baby, I’m fine with that.

Once he starts actually understanding any of this stuff, I suppose that’ll be a different story… 🙄

Just thought I’d try out something a little different here after ad-libbing a bedtime story for Christopher… 😉

Christopher was a sea captain.

He had a ship, and a first mate named Cleo, and he loved whales.

Christopher and Cleo loved to go on adventures together out in the ocean, where they would scuba dive, and snorkel – which was kind of funny to watch because Cleo was a dog and didn’t like holding the snorkel in her mouth.

They also would ride dolphins together from time to time, who were their friends out at sea.

One day they spotted a pirate ship, and before they knew it they were getting boarded by the pirate captain, who demanded, “Give us all yer booty!”

Well, Cleo took the pirate’s request a little too literally because she turned around and stuck her butt right in the pirate captain’s face … and do you know what she did then?!

Cleo let out the biggest, nastiest sea food fart the ocean had ever known, and by the time she was done passing gas, the pirates had retreated!

Christopher and Cleo then sailed to a different part of the ocean because lord knows that Cleo’s farts somehow manage to linger in the air forever, and in their new corner of the sea they dropped anchor and ate tilapia and shrimp for dinner, and got to ride the dolphins some more, and they were never bothered by those pirates ever again…

Willy, Nilly, Terrifyingly Gigantic Old Bear

June 4, 2014 5:49pm
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I tried to “comfort” Christopher with his Pooh Bear (yes, that Pooh Bear) this evening so that I could finish eating dinner in peace, although looking over at him I can’t help but think that nearly being smothered by a giant bear nearly as big as you and that is actually articulate whereas you’re not so much might be more along the lines of “terrifying” than “comforting.”

My bad. 😐

Sleepytime Pic-a-tures

May 11, 2014 1:28am
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“People let me tell you ’bout my BEST FRIEND!” 😀






It was only maybe an hour of our day, but it was one of those Disney moments that I never would’ve imagined was so cool until I got to watch my own kid meeting Mickey and his friends for his very first time!

And I’m sure it’s one of those things that’s going to be completely different another year or two from now when he’s actually awake for the entire experience and can’t sleep the night before we leave and all of that, but I’ve got to say that in ranking moments as a Dad thus far in my newfound parenting career, today was pretty cool! 😉

Bringing the Little Boy Home…

April 11, 2014 3:27am
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I’m supposed to be asleep right now, but I can’t.

I’m probably going to regret it when 7:00am arrives and I have to get up…

…but I think it’s understandable because in less than 6 hours – assuming everything has gone well through the night – we get to bring Christopher home from the hospital!!!


Apparently the sleep deprivation begins already… 😀

Groundhog Day x11

April 7, 2014 12:22am
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MV5BMTU0MzQyNTExMV5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTgwMjA0Njk1MDE@._V1_SX214_[1]I feel like I’m currently living this movie because for almost the last two weeks, my schedule has been exactly the same like clockwork:

  • Get up sometime late in the morning
  • Try to do a little work – writing or day job
  • Do something on my list – work on the nursery, laundry, cleaning, etc…
  • Sara comes home from the hospital mid-afternoon and updates me on how Christopher’s doing
  • She takes a nap after breast pumping and I do some more work
  • Later in the evening, we pack up and head back to the hospital for Christopher’s nighttime feeding and checks
  • Grab late night dinner from a dwindling selection of places that offer takeout after 10pm
  • Stay up watching TV for a while because I have no energy to be creative at that point
  • Rinse and repeat

can say that I’m at least getting fairly good at knowing whether it’s a weekend or a weekday, though specifically which one is often still a stumper as I find myself driving that path to the hospital that I could pretty much take in my sleep at this point!

And on one hand, don’t get me wrong – we’re certainly grateful for the cautious attention that they’re continuing to give the little guy because the last thing that we want to do is have to bring him back a few days after taking him home because they took him off the monitors too earlier … he is still only 36 weeks at this point and 37 was technically our most recent of goals.

But at the same time, boy will it sure be nice to only have to commute down the hall as opposed to across town to see this little guy…


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