Dream Journal : Truckin’ Giant Butterflies

February 28, 2014 10:17am
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For the first memorable segment of last night’s dream sequence, I found myself behind the driver’s wheel like I was more than a decade ago at my old job, apparently with a very busy week ahead of me…

  • First I was to drive from Northern Michigan down to Indiana and back, for reasons unknown.
  • Next I was to drive up into the deep UP and back, again for reasons unknown.
  • And then finally, I was to drive out to Las Vegas and back for the purposes of helping a girl to move.

Can you guess which trip I was looking forward to the most?!

Of course, in reality that’s a lot of driving – something like 14, 14, and 60 hours worth, by quick estimation – and there was even a part of the dream where I had stopped at a motel and was even wondering how I was going to have any time whatsoever to sleep during this whole ordeal! Yet I was looking forward to stopping and taking pictures of the Grand Canyon along the way, even though I didn’t really know where in route that gigantic hole actually was… 😛

But apparently I did make it back safe and sound because the second memorable segment of last night’s dream sequence took place at my Mom’s house, where I was doing like I do on most of my trips north and slowly sorting through all of the junk that I left behind in her basement when I moved more than a decade ago.

There was something that I didn’t have any plans of taking, though, and that was this gigantic bug that I discovered that seemed to grow a little bit bigger every time that I turned back. Being me, of course, before I could properly dispose of it, I had this ambition to take a picture of it, so I disappeared several times trying to find my camera, each time coming back to see that it had grown a little bit larger until finally it was nearly the size of one of my tie-dyed wall hangings that hung over one of the windows!

It was big and neon orange, and beginning to get rather creepy, so after I finally took a picture where I could barely fit it into the frame, I spooked it and it “flew” up and away. I thought that it was done for at that point because I heard my Mom cheering and saying that “Cleo got it!”, but when I came upstairs to find everyone else all outside on the deck, I found that Cleo had actually trampled a monarch butterfly that was really just normal-sized.

It was probably just as best, though, because at the rate that thing was going, as much as I wanted to think that she’d have pounced on it and just torn its giant wings to shreds, in reality it probably would’ve scooped her up and flown away, like gigantic bugs are wont to do… 🙁

fuckingcockroach

A) This is like the third one we’ve found in the last couple of months – the other two have been in the bathroom, and I’m not sure which is worse.

2) How in the world am I supposed to kill a cockroach that’s on the ceiling, anyways?! Anyone who’s ever tried to kill a cockroach on the floor knows that they’re basically invincible! There’s only one way that this goes down – I smack it with something, it falls and lands on me, and then I die – case closed.

😕 😕 😕

Ok, so actually I already took care of it. You don’t think that I’d be sitting here writing this post with a cockroach dangling over my head, now would I?!

To be honest, it did go down sort of like #2 … I ended up squashing it with the Swiffer, which I think is the only time I’ve ever used that thing. I held the thing in place for a good minute, trying to smash it as well as I could from ten feet below on the floor and more importantly, without giving it the opportunity to make a mad dash.

When I finally pulled away the Swiffer, it fell as expected (though thankfully not into my face) and stumbled around a bit, so I slammed the Swiffer back into the carpet to hold it in place while I found a more formidable weapon to finish him off. I ended up grabbing a nearby candle jar (Apple Pumpkin Aromabeads, if you must ask – there will be a review up on the site about it tomorrow…) and with one fell swoop, I took that little motherfucker’s head clean off the second I lifted the Swiffer off of its back.

So far I feel no remorse, though I do keep checking the ceiling now for his buddies. Talk about a creepy way for bugs to attack – it’s not bad enough to sneak in under the door, so now they’ve got to drop in from above like out of some kind of Scott’s Personal Horror Movie?!

*shudder*

I’m tired and also petrified now. If anybody needs me, I’m going to go sleep outside … where it’s safe.

TTrA9KS[1]

Giant. Asian. Hornets.

The ones pictured are technically queens, but the regular-sized ones don’t sound like any picnic, either, on account of how they’ve apparently been terrorizing the Chinese countryside over the last couple of months, killing 28 people after stinging them upwards of 200 times!

Reminds me of that episode of Futurama where they have to collect honey from the space bees that are bigger than they are, and the really touching story that was building up to a proper finale until they made those stupid DVD movies to bring the show back at 40% of the original comedy.

But look at that photo!!! These giant bees will haunt your dreams, as they will rightfully haunt mine, too…  😯

Why AREN’T There Giant Insects?!

October 10, 2012 7:30pm
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Thank goodness the Internet has guys like Hank around to help dispel quandaries like this for us! 😯

…although not for nothing, but even if I encountered some of the hand-sized beasties highlighted in thie video, I would most likely scream like a little girl right up until the point where they ate me alive…

And don’t forget to also check out part 2!

creepy bug pic?!

July 30, 2011 6:06pm
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I know we haven’t had one of these in a while, but I just couldn’t resist after discovering this ugly beast glaring at us through the sliding glass door…


The first picture best shows his size because he was a good couple of inches long, but I also had to include the second one as well just to give an indication of how angry this mother-fucker looked! It was as if he was ready to cut through the glass and carry Cleo off to his lair to be fed to his minions!!! Shortly after taking this, Sara doused him with a heavy dose of wasp-be-gone because we didn’t want Cleo finding him later and getting stung in the process of what she tends to do with every single other bug that she finds.

a dragon of fly-like proportions

September 19, 2010 9:09pm
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Lotta bug pics recently!

This one was actually somewhat of a humanitarian effort, as I found him buzzing around our garage when I got home one day last week. I think they get attracted in there because we’re experiencing some AC problems again right now, so I’ve got a big cooler collecting the runoff from the AC unit. Unfortunately, I don’t think these guys realize that although there is a big water source in our garage, it also gets ridiculously hot in there during the day and they’re likely to fry if they happen to get stuck inside.

I had a similar run-in last week with a small toad that I found hiding underneath Sara’s car as well, but then again, the tag here isn’t creepy toads, now is it?!


Granted, I suppose dragonflies aren’t exactly very “creepy,” either – this one was pretty cool, albeit it was somewhat injured by the time I found him. Whether he flew away to start a new life or instantly got eaten by his predators the moment I closed the garage door – I guess we’ll never know!

my bathroom window != grass

September 11, 2010 9:30pm
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I couldn’t help but notice this little bugger on the outside of my bathroom window earlier this evening. The window itself is frosted (not the sugary kind, sadly enough), and so you can only imagine the ominous, shadowy figure that this little 3″ monster projected into my most intimate of thinking spaces!


P.S. The extreme close-up perspective kind of distorts its size, but I figured 3″ was just about the size of this thing – probably one of the biggest grasshoppers I’ve ever seen!

And lastly, Seattle has Giant Slugs…

June 28, 2010 11:00pm
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Knowing of my own morbid fascination with disgustingly creepy bugs, my gracious host called me outside at just before midnight to check out this truly massive slug that had taken up residence on the sidewalk outside his apartment. I know if I were him, I wouldn’t be letting my dogs out to pee by themselves in the middle of the night – one of these things could take a wiener dog out like it was breakfast!


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