Scott’s Hospital Fun Guide!

December 12, 2018 1:51am
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So I got released from the hospital today.

I still have cellulitis, but I’m on my way to living my life without it.

Cut to a clip of me throwing a football and you’ve got the commercial for the cocktail of antibiotics that I’m on!

But seriously, kids – I do not recommend cellulitis. I haven’t the foggiest idea how I got it, but I wouldn’t suggest that anyone else give it a try. 

0/5 – Skin Infection not recommended

Thankfully, I had a pretty great care team during my stay that made the whole thing as manageable as possible … thanks to Katie, Brandon, Kristen, and Caitlin for taking care of me and finding me warm socks and all sorts of other things that I don’t think a lot of people realize are just part of the job for nurses. And while you don’t need to go to college to get someone a blanket or refill their ice water, I can’t tell you how much those little gestures helped to make my first stay in a hospital ever a little less lonely.

😉

Anyways, a few final thoughts on my stay before switching track into full blown Christmas vacation mode…

  • The Food Network is a terrible channel to watch in the hospital, particularly at mealtime when you’re trying to figure out how to stomach down “real eggs” and “definitely real sausage” and “not at all cardboard-based pancakes” that the dietary people swear they prepared in a bonafide kitchen and not a microwave and everything.
  • Not having reliable wifi was a real blow. Luckily, they had a decent movie selection, so I watched several during my stay, but I didn’t do a lot online because staring at my phone was bothering me and to write anything I had to do it offline, then tether my laptop to my phone to be able to post.
  • Movies!
    • 1) Get Smart … I just love this movie, so I watched this one the first night I got there. It was interesting to see where the edits for TV were made, but I was relieved that the bit with the swordfish was still included – even if “Holy shit! Holy shit! A swordfish almost just went through my head!” did get corrected to “Holy stuff…” or some other such nonsense…
    • 2) Pacific Rim: Uprising … I hated the first movie, so I figured this was going to be garbage, and it kind of was. I know these movies are more about just giant things fighting, but I have a hard time when the plot holes are big enough for Kaiju to drift through…
    • 3) Jack Reacher: Never Go Back … I thought I remembered Sara and I not really liking the first one, but this was honestly decent. It was basically almost another Mission: Impossible story that gave Tom Cruise two hours in which to be a bad ass, which is always a fun way to wait for one’s pain medication to kick in! 😉
    • Honorable Mention) A Christmas Story … I was going to slip in this one last night, but ended up making some phone calls instead. Sorry, Ralphie – you’ll shoot your eye out soon enough, though – I promise.
  • I must admit that at least once I did contemplate whether I could sneak out to my car and run home for nothing in particular before anyone noticed, considering that the hospital is barely five miles from my house. I pictured stuffing the bed with towels, a la Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, and then I remembered that back in reality I couldn’t make it five feet to the bathroom without a walker…
  • I used a walker for the first time! At only 38 years old! It was kind of embarrassing, but then again, so was watching me try to walk without it.
  • A good indicator of how to know when I’m really sick is when I’m willing to wear socks to bed.
  • Also, having another person put on your socks for you is both a very humbling and very endearing thing to experience.
  • Sleeping all day in the hospital isn’t nearly as enjoyable as you think it sounds when you consider it’s because sleeping at the hospital is perpetually interrupted by lab tests and vital signs and people asking you to sign forms promising that you’ll definitely still pay, even if the charges are mutually agreed to be ridiculous.
  • And last but not least, thankfully my charges should be zero or close to it because we exceeded the Out of Pocket Maximum for our insurance two months ago.

So if you’re still thinking about getting cellulitis after all of these glowing reviews that I’ve given for it, I’d recommend waiting until the insurance company is going to pick up the tab before you stumble into the ER on an otherwise uneventful Sunday afternoon.

For best results, wait until about 5:00am and sneak into your insurance company’s room to ask if they’re cool with it – 5:00 am is when people give the best feedback, at least in my own personal experience as a veteran, one-time hospital patient…

Samantha Bee is WONDERFUL

October 12, 2016 1:32am
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It may be a day late, but Samantha Bee’s entire show addressing Trump’s pussy-grabbin’ antics is absolutely fabulous. I don’t think I’ve ever watched her standalone show before, but after this I may have to set my DVR or whatever to watch…

No punches pulled, which is what any presidential candidate deserves … much less Donald Trump. 😛

I don’t think that I caught this when it was first released last Christmas, but boy is it joyful to watch!

President Obama is definitely the coolest president we’ve ever had… 😉

Remember back when Adam Sandler used to be funny? This video from a recent live show is a great example, unlike pretty much any movie that he’s made in the last two decades!

Oh well – Happy Hanukkah, however you spell it…  :santa:

Adam Ruins Everything is PERFECT

December 4, 2015 1:56am
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I’ve watched a few random clips of this over the last couple of weeks, but I finally tracked down the full show on TruTV and I’ve got to say that I kind of love it. Adam Conover delivers a seemingly perfect blend of comedy and cynicism to correct common misconceptions that we encounter every day. Things like thinking our credit cards are secure because we sign the back of the card or that donating things for charity drives is actually productive.

The first season is actually almost over, which on the plus side means that there are TONS of clips currently available on YouTube if you’re too cheap to actually pay for a cable subscription the normal way. I’ve still got a few episodes myself to go, but here are a few more of the ones I’ve liked the best so far…

IVR Dueling

October 9, 2015 1:07pm
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Ok, so this kind of amused me just now – calling my bank with a simple question about payments…

Me: *presses 0 for an operator*

IVR: I’ll connect you to a customer service representative, but first, please say a quick phrase to describe what you’re calling about…

Me: payment question

IVR: Ok, payments – I can help you with that! Would you like to…

Me: NO!!!

IVR: Ok, I’ll connect you to a representative…

Dream Journal : Balrog Hide and Seek

July 3, 2015 3:58pm
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So Gandalf, Frodo, and I were fighting the Balrog … apparently in the setting of some sort of Laurel & Hardy skit!

We were inside a small log cabin and he was outside.

First, Frodo went out the door “to distract the Balrog,” which didn’t work well because he was immediately eaten.

Then Gandalf and I noticed a second door on the side of the house, so as the Balrog banged on the door like he was the Big, Bad Wolf asking to come in, we ran over to the other door and snuck out the side entrance.

We rounded the corner of the house just in time to see the Balrog ducking in the front door, sneaking back into the house ourselves when he discovered the side door and came back out.

This game pretty much continued on and on FOREVER. 😕

One Box or Another…

May 3, 2015 6:41pm
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Contrary to the popular opinion, sometimes it actually can be fun to read comments on the Internet, as proven in some random comment thread on Facebook where I found the image above. Needless to say, it gave me a grin when by far the most popular comment was along the lines of, “Ummmm – those are Playstation controllers, not Xbox…” 😉

My personal favorite, though? This is a PS1 – no fish can compete with today’s consoles.

Personally, I responded with a suggestion that we enjoy the best of both worlds – virtual and that other one with all of the bears and mosquitos…

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Then again, both the Xbox One and PS4 each have an 8-core CPU and 8 GB of RAM … how many cores does your average trout have???

It’s time to step up your game, nature.

For those of you who haven’t been playing along at home, I’ve been dabbling in a bit of Christmas jokey thingys over the past month with Just Laugh, and although I’m not quite ready to say for sure if this is the start of a new leaf turning over in terms of projects that are back on my forefront once more, I can say that so far I’ve been having a whole lot of fun writing them and if you happen to be looking for a good chuckle on this holiday eve night, I do hope that yule enjoy them, too…

…see what I did there? 😉

I don’t want to set any unrealistic expectations just yet regarding future posts over at Just Laugh, but what I will say for now is that yesterday I re-ignited an old tradition of putting together a holiday gift guide filled with all sorts of comedy and humor-related presents … and it was a whole lot of fun!

Some of my favorites this year:

Be sure to check out the full list for all sorts of ideas for the funny and fart-centric folks in your life!

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