The Day I Quit Soda. Again.

March 21, 2018 11:29pm
Tagged with:

This morning I peed a rock out of my penis.

It wasn’t fun, and for those of you keeping score at home, it wasn’t the first time that I’ve done it, either…

I don’t know how big my other ones were, but this one clocked in at about 2 mm and I passed a couple of smaller fragments in the days before. I actually went for a CT scan this time and passed something right before I laid down for that, so I had been kind of hoping that it was already behind me, but no such luck.

Everyone says that kidney stones are the most painful thing that you’ll ever experience, and maybe I’ve gotten lucky so far because while they’ve certainly been no picnic, I never had a point where I was doubled over or anything. I couldn’t sleep a bunch, especially last night as this little bastard was working its way through … even on Vicodin … but all I can say now is that I think I’m finally out of the woods.

Also, I need to give up soda for good this time!

Apparently excesses in soda lead to increased acids and whatnot that cause stones to form, or maybe it’s the acids in the soda itself. I don’t know, but I’ve yet to find a doctor who says that Cherry Coke is good for my diet, and the resulting obesity certainly isn’t doing me any favors, either.

I love the taste of soda, but I don’t love the feeling of a 2 mm rock scraping its way through my insides.

For the last year and a half, plus way more before, I’ve used soda as a form of stress relief because life can be very overwhelming, but once you start peeing out rocks, it’s hard to argue the net benefit on your overall health anymore. I know that I’ve been drinking way too much lately … I recall watching a documentary where a couple filled an entire shopping cart with soda as their weekly haul and thinking at the time that it was just ridiculous, and although I’m still not quite to that depth, there are more times than I’d like to admit that I’ve polished off a 2 liter bottle in barely two days.

A liter of soda has about 400 calories to it, so conservatively speaking, 2 – 3 bottles a week is upwards of 2,000 calories just from soda!!!

Plus the kidney stones in the pee…

So I’m quitting soda. Again. Except for in the occasional mixed drink, which is honestly less than one a month, so I think that’s more than reasonable from where I am today.

That is, recovering in sore pain, staring down a tiny stone that all but prevented me from getting any sleep last night as it s-l-o-w-l-y inched its way through my ureter from my kidney to my bladder.

And the second trip out the door was no picnic, either. 😛

Goodbye, soda – it was a fun run. Kind of. But I’d like to actually run with my kids now and you’re not helping.

Also, the rocks shooting out of my penis – those have just got to stop. Nothing personal.

A Heavy Heart for Orlando

June 13, 2016 12:12am
Tagged with:

This has been a real shitty weekend.

Friday night saw the death of YouTube musician Christina Grimmie who was shot while she was signing autographs outside of the venue where she had just performed.

And then Saturday night brought the worst mass shooting in US history as a man walked into a gay nightclub and gunned down 50 people, presumably because he was homophobic and possibly had ties to ISIS.

A lot of words want to come out, but none of them feel quite right.

I’ve spent a bunch of time watching social media scroll past the last couple of days as these events have unfolded just an hour’s drive from my home, and I know that in the past I’ve occasionally mused about whether I should’ve gone into journalism instead of the path that I’m on now, but in watching all that’s transpired this weekend, I say with great sincerity that I don’t know if I could do it.

Watching these people trying to sort out fact from rumor, all while everyone around them is screaming for answers and they’re fighting the misinformation spread by colleagues who might subscribe to less stringent journalistic standards like getting one’s facts straight and not just using each other as news sources to push their headlines … in world where less people want the answer as opposed to just an answer that they can like on Facebook before moving on to the next thing in their news feed, often times it seems like it would be such a thankless job for such a huge emotional toil…

…and here, I just write jokes about poopy diapers and funny names to call to your own farts. 😛

My sister, who recently moved to Orlando, pointed out how scary it all is because it just shows how things like this can really happen anywhere – you never know when you’re out to have a good time and a crazy person shows up with a gun under their coat, looking to take out their frustrations in life on a crowd of innocent people. I live in Tampa with my family, but we spend enough time in Orlando to be considered part-time residents anyways and this kind of thing could’ve just as easily took place at Disney Springs or at one of the new attractions on I-Drive, or even at the local mall down the street from our house.

It just makes you feel so helpless because you can’t do anything to prevent what happened – that’s all said and done. And you can’t stop your own life out of fear because what’s the point of living if you don’t get out and actually live your life?

So instead we cry, and we hold hands, and we do our best to honor the victims through vigils and prayers and happy thoughts in the face of this cowardly evil. Whether it’s enough or not is kind of irrelevant because at the end of the day, it’s all that we can do until we’re ready to exercise anything that we’ve learned from these events to change the political side … if there’s even anything that can be done, anyways.

Through it all, I would say that there have been a few shining lights this weekend that I’ve personally observed myself:

  • The journalists who take pride in what they do to share the facts and not let all of the rumor and assumption get in the way of that effort as they strive to inform the people in the best way they know how.
  • The people who lined up across social media to share all of their kind words about the talented Christina Grimmie, and then literally lined up around the block today to give blood which has been in short supply after the shooting.
  • The people of Orlando who take pride in their city and just wanted to share their support – a slideshow of scenes from the various theme parks with all of the employees and characters sending their love was one of my favorites!
  • And lastly, believe it or not, the politicians who offered their condolences without taking advantage of these horrific incidents. There will be a time and a place where we’ll expect actions and words, but those that weren’t boisterous get an extra point in my book today.

I admittedly don’t really know how to end this, so I’ll wrap things up with a couple of choice tweets that I liked this evening…

© 1999 - 2018 Comedic-Genius Media, All Rights Reserved.