I wanted to share this one not for the crazy, bizarro story line that most of these dream posts have, but instead just because I thought it was interesting to see so many appearances that were correct “in face only,” but so completely missed the mark as far as timelines and personalities are concerned… 😕

I had written two applications for work. One had been handed off to another guy, while the second I still maintained myself. I had just recently discovered a small problem with both – one, the guy had linked to one of my personal websites on the site’s Links page, which I had to politely ask him to remove as being non-professional, and the other had something worse that apparently I had to sneak into somewhere to resolve without anybody knowing.

It was kind of like a classroom setting, and the lady in charge who I was trying to evade looked a lot like one of the teachers from my elementary school. She eventually walked in on me in the middle of what I was doing because I had gotten sidetracked, but she didn’t really care and didn’t have the slightest idea what I was doing anyways…

Then … it was Christmastime!

We were celebrating Christmas at my parents’ house, who were still together.

My Dad was particularly proud of this gigantic turkey sandwich that I found in the fridge. Like seriously, the slices of bread were the size of sheet cakes, and it had been cut into halves at that, so when my Mom pulled out a mere sample to show me, the half of the sandwich filled her arms completely.

I was with Sara, though it was hard to tell for how long because we weren’t quite as comfortable together. She was apparently still living with her parents, as was I, because at one point we flashed over to her place and it was a large, basement bedroom much like mine, with shag carpeting and a couch. She also had a fridge, which strangely enough matched the carpeting because it had shag attached to the front, and I was a little bit jealous of that.

Back at my parents’ house, it was time to open presents. I had gotten Sara this collection of old Disney movies (on VHS) that had like 8 different movies in one giant pack … though it was the size of a fold-out DVD case and not huge like the VHS tapes would actually require in real life. Her and my Mom were going through them as she pointed out which ones she didn’t already have, which good on me was most of them.

For my Mom, I had gotten her a CD of Disney songs, to which she asked where all of the other ones were because the disc was numbered 107 or something and she only had the first couple of discs in her collection.

Among other gifts, Sara got me this homemade candy log thing thing that was covered in frosting and filled with peanut butter cream. It was awesome.

Our relationship must’ve been going fairly well because among her gifts was a small box that I knew contained her engagement ring, though she always seemed to open a different gift so we never really addressed that part. I was very nervous and got up about four times to go into the other room while I waited, and I seemed to have a piece of paper in my pocket with a speech or something written on it, but I wasn’t sure if I had the guts to say it or not.

Cleo was there, although she was much smaller, along with two other dogs that were possibly Lori’s dogs? The owner of all three was unclear because I discovered them by noticing a leash stuck in the front door, and opening it I found one of my cousins sitting against the front step playing with one of the dogs.

At one point, Lori and James also came over for Christmas hand in hand. Madelyn was already at the house with my Mom, though it also wasn’t clear who her owner was because they just walked by her when they came in.

Eventually I found us walking downtown around a little park that was bustling with people, and it was very green and sunny out despite it being Christmas day. My Mom had all sorts of people who she wanted to introduce me to, and at one point she was talking with my uncles about some classic car that was supposed to be mine, though I’d never actually driven it yet.

The open space kind of looked like a cemetery, but not really.

I finally woke up as it became clear that the engagement ring plot point wasn’t going to take place, for reasons unknown, though the girlfriend and I hadn’t had a falling out or anything … it just never got addressed.

That was a weird Christmas.

Why all of the comment spam?!?!?!

March 11, 2014 8:33am
Tagged with:

I actually had to e-mail the folks at Akismet last month because I saw this and just naturally assumed that either my API key was being used by another site or there was something wrong with my site, or something…

akismet_spam

…because seriously, I’ve gotten 15x more comment spam on this site in the last four months than I have in the entire lifetime of the site! 😯

The nice lady at Akismet assured me that it actually wasn’t anything specific with my site and that the numbers I was seeing were in fact part of a larger trend in global spam that they’ve been filtering recently … which still seems weird because of all of my other sites that accept comments, I haven’t seen anywhere near these numbers! Plus it’s not like I’ve seen the extra pageviews to make it worthwhile, although as she pointed out, they’re probably mostly bots hitting the comment form without actually loading the pages in any sort of useful way.

It’s weird because when I randomly look through my web server logs, this one post where I reviewed The Michael J. Fox Show always seems to make an appearance, along with a couple of other random yet consistent posts – you’d think it’d be more scattered, considering that this blog has upwards of 3,000 posts, but who knows.

I just cringe at the thought of how many server resources are being wasted to accommodate over a hundred thousand fake comments a month when in reality this little blog actually gets much, much less traffic than that. 😕

mrsyuby

Where was Mrs Yuby Dada three years ago?! We could’ve just completed the whole set at bargain, black market prices over the Internet and called it a day! 😯

Customers Who Viewed This Item Are Fucking Weird…

December 17, 2013 8:09pm
Tagged with:

The 85″, $40,000 TV that everyone is linking around because the customer reviews are hilarious…

41Iayl16CuL[1]

…and yet what really did it for me weren’t the reviews, but the other recommended purchases… 😯

Can I interest you in a Men’s Black Collared Body Harness Mankini???

amazon1

Maybe the one, the only Hutzler Banana Sliceror even if you’re looking to do a little Infant Circumcision Training on the side…

amazon2

Or your girlfriend just has a somewhat disturbing fetish for Black Beauty

amazon3

Of course, if your one and only goal is simply Don’t Be Baldthen the people who viewed this $40k TV have also got you covered there, too…

amazon4

I guess?!?!?! 😕

Wikipedia for Commercial Use

December 6, 2013 10:11pm
Tagged with:

I thought that this thing that I got in the mail the other day was kind of weird.

wiki1

On the surface, it’s supposed to be a contractor referral guide that’s clearly advertising supported – why else would they have paid to print and mail me a copy? In a quick read through his website, the business model is actually that this guy picks the businesses himself as opposed to simply featuring any business that writes him a check, so ok – whatever … I don’t know who this dude even is, but whatever…

What really caught my eye, however, was when I started flipping through the relatively thin book and took notice of a number of familiar links at the bottom of most pages:

wiki2

Basically, they’re using articles from Wikipedia as filler material in between all of the featured businesses! Totally legit, just like the people who reprint entire books worth of content from Wikipedia, but I guess being a writer myself, I just can’t help but think why include this stuff except for the reason that you need to fill space and you want to put something there, but you don’t want to have to pay for it.

I mean, is there really much benefit to the reader by reprinting Wikipedia articles like these alongside referral ads for businesses that do them???

I guess I’d like to think that if it was important enough to put a guide of sorts together to highlight the best in these home repair fields, then maybe it might be worth paying a couple of hundred bucks to a freelancer to write something … anything that’s a tad more specific to what you’re trying to do than just pulling free entries out of an online encyclopedia?! Again, totally legal and all, don’t get me wrong, but maybe throw together a list of Ten Ways to Improve the Value of Your Kitchen or How Professional Cleaning Can Save You Time and Money to get a little more personal than Wikipedia does.

And you know me, love me some Wikipedia, but this just seems lazy to me.

Bronies Creep Me the Hell Out…

September 11, 2013 12:02pm
Tagged with:

An Internet Suicide Note … and more

August 16, 2013 11:24pm
Tagged with:

So I found this really weird thing earlier this evening, and ever since then I’ve been trying to figure out what I think about it.

Martin Manley, a sports writer from Kansas City, committed suicide yesterday. Before he did, he published a website about his life … and death, which can be found here (mirrored here because I’m sure the main site is getting slammed).

Browsing through that website is a very bizarre and troubling experience, as I’m sure anyone who’s ever had to read a suicide note could attest. I’ve known a couple of people who’ve committed suicide, but never before have I had this kind of glimpse into what’s going on inside the person’s head before they finally pulled the trigger … and at this point I don’t think that’s a good thing.

I don’t think many of us are really fans of suicide. I think it’s silly to make something like that illegal, and I think that I can better understand the scenarios where someone has been very sick for a very long time and is just tired of suffering. Mental suffering like depression is a bit harder for me to grasp, simply because I’d like to think that everyone has a chance of getting help, even though I get that there isn’t always help for some people.

But what confuses me as I read through the pages of that website is that Martin went out of his way in an attempt to make clear that he’s fine and he’s just ready to die. One friend on Facebook commented that he seems paranoid about the futuretalking about economic collapse and recent tragedies like Hurricane Sandy and the shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary. He also talks about buying $30,000 in gold coins back in 1998 “in preparation for Y2K,” and yet he also cites having one of the highest IQs in the state.

The more I dig into it, I guess that’s when I start to get a little icky about it because it started to remind me of a couple of writers that come to mind that write in this same style, and are kind of all over the place in what they do, and more importantly, the feeling that they’d do just about anything to get people to read their work. And I’m not talking about the natural drive to want your work exposed to as many as possible … at this level, I’m talking about more extreme cases, and it’s because of this that I’m not sure I want to read anymore because I can’t tell how much of this is interesting because it’s interesting, as opposed to what’s interesting because it’s from a guy who just killed himself.

And the thing is, if you want to be remembered for something, killing yourself isn’t the best way to go about drawing attention to it because it ends up getting associated with the suicide itself instead of holding its own merit anymore.

He has a page on this extensive site of his where he comments on whether the whole thing is self-serving, citing that “This is to be the LAST AND ONLY CHANCE I will ever have to tell the world who I was.”, and I think it’s partially from self-deprecating attitudes like that where the term cowardice gets associated with suicide because another option if you’ve really got so much about your life that you still want to share with other people, why not stick around a while longer and share it with people. Time will mark the end for you on its own soon enough, so instead of throwing out one last pitch and hoping that people remember you for that throw instead of the fact that you went and offed yourself immediately after the game, why not play a few more and share the stories yourself???

Now if people decide (or have already decided) that they don’t want to hear your stories, then that’s something that you just have to deal with as a creative person … and I’m not necessarily saying that that’s the case for this guy, as I’ve never read a word that he’s written other than the several thousand on this site. My point is simply that killing yourself is no more effective at getting people to like your work than it is at making your ex-girlfriend get back together with you.

Anyways, I think I’ve written long enough about this. On the surface, it seems like an intriguing concept to read about the things going through someone’s head leading up until they decided to take their own life, but when you actually start to peel back the layers and just find yourself faced with more and more questions that you’ll never have the answers to, I think that personally I’d much prefer to read about someone who was passionate about life than one who was more focused on his own death…

Just Call Me Old Blood-Eye McSevener…

May 26, 2013 6:00pm
Tagged with:

So I’ve been sick again for the last couple of days.

It’s been pretty miserable – definitely not how I would’ve chosen to spend my Memorial Day weekend or even the days last week leading up to it.

And then today I woke up with blood in my eye.

Apparently it’s harmless, but it looks kinda gross and really made me nervous until I had a chance to figure out what it is.

It looks pretty gross … I’m not posting a picture, but the inside corner of one eye – maybe 20% of the white area – is filled with blood.

Before I shaved, I looked like a scruffy guy who’d gotten in a bar fight … the one who won, albeit!  8)

So the moral of today’s story is – if you cough for several days straight, there’s a definite possibility that you could blow an eyeball. Because apparently that’s a thing that really happens now.  😯

(not actually from Mark Zuckerberg)

May 11, 2013 11:08pm
Tagged with:

I’m not sure which is weirder about this – that actual humans with brains would honestly believe that “share this photo if you don’t want video ads” is how a billion dollar company like Facebook would choose to survey its users, or the fact that some random dude spent time in Photoshop putting this image together for no personal gain whatsoever.

fakezuck

What’s the goal here? To mislead users into thinking that Facebook is going to inundate them with (more) ads so that everyone will leave? Are their bragging rights to be earned from being the guy who created that fake Mark Zuckerberg announcement that a bunch of clueless people are sharing around? I don’t get it.

❓ ❓ ❓ ❓ ❓ ❓

Dream Journal : Night of a Thousand Tangents

February 12, 2013 7:30pm
Tagged with:

This one was all over the place – I’m hoping that it was actually multiple dreams and I’m just blending them all together now, but bleh! 😯

So it all started with a maze … that’s underwater.

But not like under the sea underwater – more like somebody took a traditional maze that you could walk through and then flooded it, so you kind of climbed over one of the walls to get in. And it was fun and I was running (?) around the maze underwater having a great time with random classmates that I went to high school with, and then suddenly I realized that my phone was still in my pocket.

Actually, two phones, because when I got out, I first pulled an old flip phone from one pocket, didn’t care what had happened to that, but then pulled my iPhone from another pocket and apparently the water had just ruined it. Not shorted out, mind you, but the case was all coming apart, the headphone socket had wires showing – it was a mess!

Oddly enough, the display itself still worked.

Anyways, next up I was walking up to the courtesy desk at a grocery store, although it felt more like a pawn shop because I was asking if they’d seen any BB guns lately … apparently mine had gotten stolen and I suspected that maybe it had been pawned at one of the local shops. The gun in question was a “blinged out” BB gun, with a scope and other bling (rhinestones, I guess?!). Needless to say, the guy behind the desk didn’t have it, and then also told me that I was in the wrong store when I told him that I knew that it had been taken to a specific address.

Interestingly enough, I did have a rather nice BB gun growing up that was given to me as a gift from my Grandpa on my Mom’s side (I think?) and it had a scope, but no rhinestones…  😕

Next stop – I’m at an auto repair shop trying to get my car fixed, and while they’re working on it, a salesman wants to sell me a new car, but then he doesn’t. He kind of looks like the crazy Texan from The Simpsons, minus the pistols, and he wants to sell me a truck. I tell him I don’t want a truck, but a car instead, and he replies that he doesn’t sell the kind of car that I drive anyways, so I’d be much better off with a truck instead. I then explain that I don’t need a new car just like my old one, and give him some other options, but he shoots all of those down, too.

Finally I give up arguing with him, and somebody comes in to tell me that my car is ready. When I go out to it in the garage, it’s got a flat tire all over again – the same one that they supposedly had just fixed, and when I complain to the guy running the shop, he replies that I’m wrong because they just fixed it … even though we’re both staring at the flat tire right then and there.

So for the last part of the dream, I’m with a bunch of my friends at a restaurant and we’re all about to leave together on a big road trip. I guess we wanted to leave town with a bang or something, so one of my friends gets the idea for us to burn the diner down.

WHA?!?!?!?!

For whatever reason we all go along with it, and we’re in the back of the restaurant – in the kitchen area. My one friend has some sort of flaming beverage that he’s going to send out on a waiter’s tray to do the deed (don’t question me about logistics – most of my dreams never make any sense!), and while they’re doing that, I go outside because I’m a little nervous about the whole thing … rightfully so! When I get outside and can’t find my car, I go running back and tell them to stop because our ride is gone.

Remember – it had a flat tire from the last scene?! Continuity, for once! 🙂

The dream ended with one of my other friends walking calmly out of the restaurant, and upon being asked what happened to the fire, he just shrugged and said that he put it out.

© 1999 - 2019 Comedic-Genius Media, All Rights Reserved.