Coronavirus, Day 28 – Uncertainty

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It’s hard not knowing what’s going to happen next.

Over the last few years, I’ve learned that this plays a big part with my anxiety because I do much better when I have a plan to follow and specific things that I know I want/need to be focused on.

With this pandemic, though, everything is up in the air and I’m often working on the fly … which is why I’m still up writing this blog post at 3:18am instead of asleep in my bed like I should be… 😛

I’ve really been trying to tell myself that these are not normal times and you can’t expect a lot of anyone – including yourself – while we’re all in the middle of chaos, yet there are some things I’d love to see change in my current day to day:

  • I’d like to feel as if I’m not just cleaning in any spare moment that I have because no matter how much I get done, it feels like the three cyclones that are my kids manage to tear it all back apart by the time I get up the next morning.
  • I’d like to make better use of my work time. Right now it feels like most of my time is spent jumping from fire to fire, and admittedly that’s what probably too much of my job felt like a month ago before all of this started, too! But in general, I’d love to find a way to stabilize that so I can start working towards my actual goals again and not just spend all of my time treading water.
  • I’d also like to find more time for calm in all of this because, well, HA! I mean, I’ve been blogging and writing humor a little more, which I think is nice, and I had a therapy session over telemedicine on Friday that gave me a chance to just talk through a lot of random frustrations. From the tone that I find myself taking with the kids, though, I know that I desperately need more.

It’s tough because there’s so much to worry about right now. Will any of my family directly catch and struggle with the virus? Will our jobs make more changes … they’ve already made a few … that suddenly change our finances at home? Will politics or businesses continue to heed the advise of the medical community or will we find ourselves backing off from social distancing too early and end up making this thing even worse?

Are my kids getting anything out of their e-learning in the absence of their traditional school environments?

What about the damage from missing out on things like their in-home autism therapies?

And what about all of those people who aren’t even as lucky as me to be able to work from home and try to support this demanding e-learning effort???

It’s a lot to handle, and as much as it feels like we’ve already been doing it forever (in reality, it’s been about a month), at this point I still have a hard time picturing an exit strategy to get everyone back to work and school…

Maybe some businesses can make adjustments to their workplaces, but many (like mine) have switched to open office floor plans that don’t even give us the privacy of cubicle walls anymore.

Schools on a good day are basically filled with walking petri dishes, so I really don’t see the kids doing anything other than virtual learning until the fall.

And all of those large gathering places like theme parks and beaches … I worry those places might end up being where we have to learn the hard way because if my local Walmart can’t even limit the number of people coming in the door, there’s no way that Disney World is going to when they’ve got people paying $150 a piece and they’ve grown accustomed to packing them in like sardines. 🙁

Still, I get the opposing argument – we can’t just stay locked away forever, and if a vaccine could still be 6-12 months away … what then???

I don’t know the answer to that one. I just know that all of the answers that come to mind sound scary, and I hope that there’s a team buried in data and brainpower somewhere that has some better ideas.

And that when they’re ready, we have the wherewithal to hear them.

Until then, all that we can do is take this one day at a time and not make any rash decisions.

Coronavirus, Day 25 – But The Flu…

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One of the most common arguments against all of the measures being taken against COVID-19 is citing how many deaths we see from the flu every single year.

And I’ll admit that a number like 35,000 Americans dying from the flu gives me pause because that sounds awful. Of course, 2.8 million people dying each year in general sounds awful, but let’s talk about the flu because I’ve given it a lot of thought trying to rationalize the real difference between fighting this Coronavirus today and the seasonal flu…

Duration of Impact
For starters, let’s consider that flu season is typically 4-6 months long, whereas right now we’ve been facing COVID-19 in the States for a little over three weeks.

Just at a glance, this sounds like a huge factor in why our medical system can handle the seasonal flu without having a run on ventilators like we’re seeing today simply because the regular flu is spread out over a much longer timeframe. If we compare stats, we’ve already seen 18,000 deaths in three weeks compared to those 35,000 in four to six months.

Conservatively speaking, that’s an average of 857 deaths per day for COVID-19 and 291 deaths per day for a four-month flu season. Wow!

Vaccines and the Lack Thereof
Next, let’s consider the impact of vaccines specifically on the front lines to protect doctors and nurses from also contracting and spreading diseases … which has been a problem particularly in NYC where we’re seeing caregivers catching the virus from the same people that they’re trying to help.

We don’t really see this with the regular flu because at my wife’s hospital, for example, come flu season every employee in the hospital is either required to get a flu shot or wear a mask for the entirety of flu season!

That’s a level of protection lacking for the doctors and nurses facing Coronavirus today because we simply don’t have a vaccine ready yet.

Stacking Numbers
And another point, along the lines of protection, is the devastating PPE shortage that hospitals have been fighting because sure, they might normally stock enough masks and gowns and whatnot to manage the seasonal flu, but the regular flu didn’t just go away when Coronavirus came to town.

So the result is a system that’s already supporting a regular flu season then also thrust into a brand new and very different flu pandemic, and the lack of adequate supplies to protect workers and even family members and other patients becomes painfully and quite dangerously clear.

Other Considerations
Couple these with other factors that Coronavirus has shown us including a longer incubation period, carriers with mild to no symptoms, and just being something new that the medical field isn’t used to dealing with I think puts it on a much different level than the regular, old flu.

One terrifying story described a patient’s lung tissue literally being torn away by the virus … something that the flu doesn’t do! So there’s a lot to be said for simply dealing with the unknown in the middle of all of these other factors.

So no, we don’t shut down the economy and close schools and workplaces and see this dramatic response to the seasonal flu … because it seems to reason that what we’re facing with Coronavirus is an entirely different beast altogether.

Is the fact that we vaccinate for the flu enough to counter the need for the drastic social distancing being exercised today? Probably not entirely, but all of these pieces of the puzzle together make for a compelling argument as to why it’s not wise to be so quick to quantify COVID-19 with the flu that we face every year like clockwork.

Coronavirus, Day 22 – Inspiration in Kindness and Compassion

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There’s plenty around to drag a person down these days, so I thought I’d take the opposite spin and share a few of the things that have made me smile and given me a little bit of hope in the face of so much tragedy and turmoil lately…

Innovation in Food Service
Restaurants are getting hit pretty hard right now with most not able to actually serve in their dining rooms, yet it impresses me how many have done everything that they can to embrace the takeout and delivery models to keep their employees working and paid. I think it’s great to see the extra thought that many have put into “contactless delivery” to help dispel the fear of even that minimal contact with your delivery driver.

We’ve even got a local pizza place that has turned their dining room into a donation center where customers can pick up a couple of rolls of toilet paper or other essentials if they’re in need!

Creativity in Education
It’s hard enough to get adults to pay attention during conference calls, so the idea of teaching kids all the way down to kindergarten age online is a daunting one to say the least, but so far I’ve been really impressed with how my sons’ teachers are doing their very best to work with what they have and try to connect with their kids at whatever level they can.

And even after only a few days and lots of struggles, they’re starting to get more engaged – my oldest son would barely talk on his first Zoom call with his teacher and class, but now he’s laughing and enjoying sharing time with his friends, listening to his teacher read to them and answer questions about the work they’re doing online, and generally just trying to bridge the digital divide that has been thrust upon everyone.

I thought it was really cute on Friday when she announced to everyone that it was funny hat day and how all of the kids needed to run and find a silly hat so that she could take a group picture of everyone together on the screen! 😉

Heartfelt Gratitude for Medicine
If there’s one angle of this pandemic that most of us can relate to the least, it’s for those doctors and nurses on the front lines actually facing COVID-19 head-on and doing their best to care for the people who get it.

My wife told me recently about being brought to tears along with her coworkers upon learning that people had left chalk drawings and signs of support in their parking lot around the hospital where she works. Some even waited in the parking lot until change of shift so that they could thank them as they were coming and going from work, while others drove a parade of cars around the hospital honking and cheering for everything that they were doing to help fight this horrible virus.

It’s easy to get caught up in the dire negative and feel like there’s no end in sight, but there are good things happening out there, too. 

Coronavirus, Day 19 – Logistically Speaking

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I’ve found it interesting to watch how businesses have adapted to this virus, particularly in the shipping industry.

One of the frustrations has definitely been delayed shipping times from Amazon, I think because they’ve just spoiled and conditioned us to expect anything and everything on our doorsteps in two days or less! In fact, it’s to the point that it bugs me to order from another retailer like Walmart or Best Buy that doesn’t have the shipping network that Amazon has built out – 7 days can feel like a lifetime, even when you’re waiting for something that’s very much not essential!

So yesterday we placed a couple of orders with Amazon and the delivery dates were cast out as far as April 24, I think.

It’s a far cry from two-day shipping, but in light of people needing actual supplies, it’s not the end of the world and I fully support deprioritizing less important orders over household goods that folks truly need.

But then I started getting delivery updates where items were expected early next week, and the ones scheduled for Monday are somehow coming TODAY?!

I just think it’s neat to see how dynamic their shipping network has grown that they can still turn regular orders around quickly once the high priority ones have gone out the door. I hope Amazon, along with other retailers, is taking care of its employees because those guys are certainly going above and beyond to deliver during this disaster and it’s a truly impressive feat.

Dream Journal : What Just Happened Here???

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I woke up just after I threw a guy out the window.

I was in some sort of bad place. It wasn’t clear if it was a frat house or some sort of illegal business, but it seemed very shady as my friends and I were getting a tour because at one point the host said, “It would be very beneficial to us if the war in Iraq didn’t end…”

I had challenged the guy by saying, “What do you mean? It’s not like you have anybody there…” to which he replied simply by pointing at a large jug in the middle of the room, implying that it was the war that enabled him to make whatever was in that jug which in turn made him a lot of money.

So I threw it out the window in the face of a couple of very shocked frat/tour guys. Then I went a step further and threw one of the guys out the window behind it!

Then I told my friends that we really needed to go now.

Prior to this bizarre interaction, we had been leaving a school dance, which was particularly strange for me because somehow I had actually enjoyed it despite not taking a date myself. After a brief squabble with someone who was angry I didn’t ask them, we left and talked about getting food and going back to one of our houses to play video games before we all passed out.

Note: This last part was the only believable portion of the entire dream! 😉

Coronavirus, Day 15 – Scott’s Guide to Self-Care

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I think it’s really easy to feel lost right now, particularly if you’re like myself and notice that you’re feeling stressed, but it’s hard to put a finger on what about…

Maybe you’re still working, so money isn’t really a concern.

And you’re healthy. And you don’t personally know anyone who’s gotten sick from COVID-19.

Your pantry is full, and sure, maybe the house is a little more stressful than usual because the kids are there all day, but let’s be honest … it could be so much worse!

I’ve found myself likening it to the solar eclipse that we experienced a couple of years ago because I remember driving around after I’d taken my obligatory pinhole view of it and thinking that it just felt sort of odd out. Personally I was unaffected, yet it was clear that something strange was going on and affecting all of us together nonetheless.

So I think it’s good for everyone to know what kinds of self-care work for them because there are so many ups and downs from this bizarre, global catastrophe, and it’s ok to still be stressed out even if your family is safe and there’s plenty of TP stocked in your bathroom!

Here are a few things that work for me – feel free to piggyback off of them if you’re struggling and just need something to help get you through the day…

  1. Write something. It honestly doesn’t even matter what.
  2. Find a pair of headphones and listen to my waves.
  3. Go for a walk.
  4. Try to meditate and tune out the world.
  5. Play a retro video game.
  6. Build a Lego set.
  7. Take a nap.
  8. Watch something mindlessly silly on YouTube.
  9. Go back and relive things I’ve already written.
  10. Grab a cherry coke slushy.

Coronavirus, Day 13 – Wild & Crazy Kids

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I think one of the biggest challenges that my house has faced through all of this has been not having good outlets to help us disperse the kids’ energy anymore.

A normal day would include plenty of time to run around with their friends at school followed by a good hour of playtime at the playground before coming home. Evenings are typically split between at least one kid working with an in-home therapist while the others do quiet work/play in between dinner and bedtime routines. Plus, swim class once a week is always a great way to wear them out!

And pretty much all of that is now out the window with schools closed and the playground closed and therapists either canceling or being quarantined!

I mean, it could be worse – I understand that, and I’m grateful that nobody’s actually sick – but it’s kind of chaos just the same!!!

It makes me really wish that we had a backyard the kids could run around on their own because our pool honestly takes up most of it and they definitely can’t play out there without adult supervision. Without even having theme parks or regular parks to slip away to on the weekend, everyone is very quickly developing their own flavors of cabin fever, which for the kids results in couch cushions thrown all over the room and toys even more thrown about than usual.

We’re hoping to establish some sort of routine as school kicks back up virtually next week, however there’s only so much that structure can do when all the kids really want to do is RUN! 😯

Coronavirus, Day 11 – Mild Inconvenience

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I had but a small taste of what it feels like to be cut off by hoarders today.

For the most part, we really haven’t struggled with groceries much since this thing started. Eggs always seem to be out, yet my wife found someone at work who has chickens and we were able to get a few that way that we honestly haven’t even used yet. Milk and bread looked tight, but before we’ve run out we seem to have been able to get some more.

Still haven’t managed to find toilet paper, and I think we’re down to maybe four rolls now, but I was able to pick up some extra baby wipes the other day so I’m not super concerned there.

Until today, what’s been the most challenging has surprisingly still been distilled water.

I need it for my CPAP machine. I honestly don’t usually even use the humidifier in it, but I started getting a sore throat from post-nasal drip right around when this all began and in that case the moisture is a lot better than forcing dry air down my throat for 7-8 hours every night!

So I don’t know if people bought it all out by mistake when they scooped up the drinking water or if people who specifically need it are hoarding it, but admittedly I felt kind of helpless watching my jug get closer and closer to empty while our shopping trips out kept coming up empty handed.

Between yesterday and today, it took me seven stores to end up finding some – Target, Walgreens, Winn-Dixie, CVS, Walgreens, Winn-Dixie, and then ironically that first Target again today suddenly had a couple dozen gallons on the shelf. Before that, I heard, “There wasn’t any on the truck we just got…” or “We only got 8 and they sold out immediately…”

One even told me when the next truck would come next Wednesday and suggested I wait in their parking lot like other customers have been doing!

And it was both frustrating and also humbling because sure, it was a giant pain in the ass and it felt a little dangerous to be running around everywhere while we’re supposed to be staying home, but also what if it was something like medication that I couldn’t find anywhere? Like that malaria drug that apparently is also used to treat lupus and has been flying off the shelves ever since Trump mentioned it in a briefing a few days ago?!

My result would be an extra sore throat, or worse side effects if I decided to just run regular water through my humidifier.

Someone else’s result for not getting their meds could be much worse!

I feel like that’s the big takeaway that I feel obligated to remind myself and other people about all of this is that if the worst I personally experience is some mild inconvenience, I’m getting off light as far as global pandemics are concerned.

Another 268 deaths here in the USA from this yesterday, and after playing with the numbers and reading some more articles about projections, I have a bad feeling that we’re nowhere near the worst of what this thing has to offer. I hope that everybody is wrong, but that’s not what we should be planning for…