NaNoWriMo Tips!

November 30, 2011 6:42pm
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Back at the beginning of the month, I spent some time while I was supposed to be writing a humor column a couple of evenings instead tweeting some of my best advice to the latest folks to take on NaNoWriMo, or National Novel Writing Month – the annual challenge in which thousands of people try their hand at writing the first draft of a 50,000-word novel in 30 days.  Because as you’ve probably already guessed, yours truly is just bursting with sage-like wisdom and with deadlines quickly approaching, what better way to avoid doing actual work than by “helping” others?! 💡

Truth be told, I had intended to make a fun, little series out of these and tweet a few new ones each day throughout the entire month, however instead below is all that I ever got around to! Still, it was a fun way to kill some time, albeit I’m sure probably more than a little obnoxious for anyone looking for actual help via Twitter while they were trying to write…

  • I think it’s time that I helped out with this, too! Not sure if you realize this, but 50,000 words is A LOT!!! #nanowrimo #helping
  • Tip #1: If you give me a cameo reading my last tweet, that’s 23 words right there! #nanowrimo #helping
  • Tip #2: Look at those trees outside your window. Tell us about them. Boom – two more chapters, easily! #nanowrimo #helping
  • Tip #3: If your dog really could talk, he’d be hauled off immediately for scientific testing. Be realistic. #nanowrimo #helping
  • Tip #4: Women have more feelings than men, so include some to keep your story balanced. Also, boobs. #nanowrimo #helping
  • Tip #5: Give your characters something to fight for – cash money is something that all readers can relate to. #nanowrimo #helping
  • Tip #6: OMG – what’s that behind you?! Inspiration. Hope you’re writing a thriller… #NaNoWriMo #helping
  • Tip #7: Try to devote at least 500 words each day to writing about the weather – you know, so people can relate. #NaNoWriMo #helping
  • Tip #8: Ice cream from Cold Stone Creamery is scientifically proven to help improve your word count. #NaNoWriMo #helping #gottahaveit
  • (that last tip was sponsored by your wife, who really wants you to take her to Cold Stone)
  • Tip #9: Name the evil villain after your boss – I mean, he’s never gonna find out anyways! #NaNoWriMo #helping
  • Tip #10: Don’t write the sex scenes you’re having, write the sex scenes that you WANT to be having. #NaNoWriMo #helping
  • Tip #11: Word Count spelled backwards is TNUOC DROW. D&D fans will recognize that as a type of dark elf! #NaNoWriMo #helping
  • Tip #12: Ever wonder why hippos don’t get more of the respect that they deserve? ( #NaNoWriMo #helping #hippos
  • Tip #13: If you need to take a bathroom break, have your characters take one, too. Plot twist! #NaNoWriMo #helping
  • Tip #14: If her nose is truly as delicate as a wavering rose petal, for god sakes, tell us more! #NaNoWriMo #helping

Oh, what the heck – let’s do just a few more, for old time’s sake!

  • Tip #15: If you’re just starting NaNoWriMo today, you need to write 34 words per minute for the next 24 hours straight – no pressure! #NaNoWriMo #helping
  • Tip #16: At least three of your characters should be dead by now or you’re not really writing a comedy. #NaNoWriMo #helping
  • Tip #17: Nothing says conclusion like…SEQUEL!!! #NaNoWriMo #helping
  • Tip #18: Some leftover pumpkin pie would really hit the spot right about now… #NaNoWriMo #helping
  • Tip #19: Word count still short? Try a table of contents – all of the best novels have at least 3 or 4 of them. #NaNoWriMo #helping
  • Tip #20: Use your dedication to smooth things over with the girlfriend or spouse who you’ve been neglecting to “write your stupid novel.” #NaNoWriMo #helping
  • Tip #21: Montages don’t work nearly as good in books as they do in the movies, even if you put songs from Rocky in the margins. #NaNoWriMo #helping
  • Tip #22: Sometimes the most unexpected conclusions involve aliens. #NaNoWriMo #helping
  • Tip #23: You might already be past this, but I’ve always liked the name Snidely for an antagonist. Or maybe Mortimer… #NaNoWriMo #helping
  • Tip #24: It’s natural to cry on the last day before your deadline. Welcome to being a writer. #NaNoWriMo #helping
  • Tip #25: If I were to write a novel about writing tweets for NaNoWriMo, I’d already be 1% done. See, writing’s easy! #NaNoWriMo #helping

Glad I could be of service – same time next year?! :mrgreen:

Jesus is what now???

December 5, 2010 11:29pm
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I was a little caught off-guard by my latest Twitter follower, that is, until I saw my next one…

Maybe he’s just really hardcore when it comes to preaching the gospel?

You know what? Nevermind – I prefer not knowing.

P.P.S. No more LoudTwitter.

July 5, 2010 6:57pm
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As I eluded to a couple of weeks ago, I finally took the plunge and put good, old LoudTwitter on pause. I tried to find a way to hide all of those Twitters posts so that they only appeared in the archives or something, but it just wasn’t happening, and although I’m pretty sure I could do something like that with WordPress these days, LiveJournal isn’t WordPress … but that’s a topic of discussion for another day.

Anywho, hopefully this place will look a little less cluttered going forward. I couldn’t imagine even coming here to read anything before, with any legitimate blog posts buried underneath weeks upon weeks of Twitter posts. Oh well, that’s hindsight for you…

Super Mario Twitter!!!

July 5, 2010 6:54pm
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Oh yeah, one more thing. Those 16 hours of Super Mario Galaxy? I tweeted the entire two-day saga – with a minimal amount of snickering and general harassment from my wife, no less!

Enjoy every bee-ridden moment, every level spent rescuing Luigi’s ass from some ridiculous height, and of course, even a few mostly harmless flirtations in the general direction of the elegant Starship Captain/Princess that is the lady Rosalina…

Daily Tweets from Twitter…

June 28, 2010 12:00am
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  • 19:20 Just made a donation to Mario Marathon for Child’s Play – reminds me of when Mom used to call in to donate to PBS when we were kids… #
  • 19:21 P.S. If you haven’t already, go make YOUR donation now @ $40k is just around the corner! #
  • 19:27 I miss Captain Banana, but the guys at Mario Marathon are doing great at filling the shoes some 25 years later. ( #

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Daily Tweets from Twitter…

June 26, 2010 12:03am
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  • 01:56 Just realizing that I think I left a folder full of writing notes on one of the planes this weekend. Crap. #
  • 10:07 @Cowkitty Tell me about it – it’s about time they caught up with every other park in the area! No more dropping $200 at a time! #
  • 10:11 @Cowkitty Wait a minute – what about existing renewals??? "…currently available for the purchase of select new annual passes only." #
  • 10:57 A healthy breakfast for a sleep-deprived morning… #
  • 12:03 New Humor Column
    : Welcome to Florida, You Gullible Suckers! #
  • 16:02 Dinner: POSSIBLE! Take that Robert Irvine! #actuallyabigfan #

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Daily Tweets from Twitter…

June 25, 2010 12:03am
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  • 11:41 @lorisaurus Nice. What was it six months ago??? #
  • 15:31 You ain’t exactly a looker yourself Grandma… #
  • 19:51 How many times is someone allowed to call the wrong number before it switches over from "accident" to "I’m just stupid"??? #

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Daily Tweets from Twitter…

June 24, 2010 12:04am
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  • 12:03 I’m not sure, but I think something just happened with that big soccer thing. Vuvuzella solo??? #
  • 17:09 Looking forward to playing D&D tonight after missing last week’s session. Come on, level 2!!! #dnd #lfr #
  • 17:30 Nice 7/11 cashier lady just helped me get 3 bottles of Dr. Pepper for $2 with coupons & promos – sweet! #
  • 17:31 Also, found a penny and picked it up – destined for natural 20’s all night long??? #dnd #lfr #
  • 20:17 This looks less than great… #dnd #lfr #
  • 20:39< /em> Holy shit we actually survived! #dnd #lfr #
  • 21:20 No guts no glory… #dnd #lfr #
  • 21:49 -2 HP 0 Death Save Failures thus far … teetering on the edge… #dnd #lfr #
  • 21:51 Ha – that’s a natural 20 on a death save bitches! #dnd #lfr #
  • 22:25 SUCCESS!!! Totally pulled it out of our asses with almost every party member down, but success! Hello, Level 2. #dnd #lfr #

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Daily Tweets from Twitter…

June 23, 2010 12:03am
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  • 00:21 C’ya Seattle… #
  • 00:53 Cramped Airplane – CHECK. Crying Baby – CHECK. Tensions already running high – let’s get this 6-hour rodeo started! #
  • 06:16 One long flight down, one shorter flight to go. Very much looking forward to a comfy, non-turbulent bed back at home! #
  • 06:35 Connecting flight just got changed to a new terminal – I knew this trip home seemed too easy… #
  • 06:53 LEGO Liberty Bell – Philadelphia just got 110% cooler!!! #
  • 07:06 Nothing like a gate change across the entire airport – can’t wait for this US Air experience to be OVER!!! #
  • 07:19 So with all of my negative tweets about flying US Air this trip, can someone recommend a QUALITY airline who CARES about service??? #
  • 07:21 We used to fly AirTran, but they started sucking. I’ve heard good things about Southwest, but not sure how much they fly out of Tampa. #
  • 07:23 There’s just gotta be an airline who doesn’t make flying an absolutely horrible experience. #
  • 07:24 No extra fees is a big one after this trip – we paid another $91 between baggage and "choice seats" just so we could sit together. #
  • 07:25 I’d be happy to pay a little more upfront to know that there won’t be fees later and I’ll get treated halfway decently. #
  • 12:43 Oof – finally home sweet home. Flying is hard. Time for a nap… #

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June 22, 2010 12:04am
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  • 01:36 Sitting down to watch the Twilight movies with wife & friends – if I wake up gay tomorrow, at least you’ll know why… #
  • 01:59 Admittedly, he does have pretty dreamy eyes…0 #
  • 02:31 I don’t get this movie any more than I get women – "Oooh – I love me a man who could suck my blood!" #
  • 15:03 Fuck @usairways – they didn’t assign us ANY seats going home, so we have to either pay $15 each to pick now or take whatever at the airport. #
  • 15:04 When I’m paying $900+ to fly with you, the least you can do is give me fucking seats next to each other. @usairways #sucks #
  • 15:04 I hate flying. Friendly skies, my ass… @usairways #sucks #
  • 17:05 Getting ready to take to the trails of the Washington wilderness – if we’re not back in 5 hours, send a search party. #
  • 17:09 Something tells me the only tweeting I’m going to hear for a while is going to be from actual birds… #
  • 17:53 Pretty… #
  • 18:02 Our new home in Seattle – I think we’re really going to like it here! #
  • 18:08 Been "hiking&qu
    ot; for 40 "minutes" and nowhere near "the top" yet. I’m sooo not an outdoorsman anymore! #
  • 18:09 Somebody just walked by CARRYING A BABY!!! Out of shape isn’t even the phrase… #
  • 19:21 Still alive … hoping to see flat land again soon. #
  • 19:38 All of these moss-covered trees look exactly the same! #
  • 19:49 Hiking Tip: 2 miles up steep freaking hills is not the same as 2 miles in suburbi #
  • 20:02 Made it off the mountain, hips hating me and l
    egs now the consistency of jelly. #
  • 20:02 Remember kids, friends don’t let overweight, out of shape friends go hiking. #
  • 23:34 Running late at the airport – for all of the shit we’ve had on the trip, it’d be nice if US Air had more than two people working the counter #
  • 23:40 Checked in after getting held up by slow people who wouldn’t move up to open kiosks. Now waiting in massive security line. #
  • 23:47 Little kid keeps running into my laptop bag – his head must really be hurting by now… #
  • 23:47 For a while I was trying to move it out of his way, but we’re done with me being
    nice. This line is too damn long for that. #

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