14 Days of Self Control

I haven’t written about this in a while, but I really need to because it’s been too long.

I’m not at all happy about my body right now. In fact, the last couple of weeks it’s been kind of depressing. I feel super lethargic all of the time, walking not that far makes me winded and tired … even moreso when I’ve got a toddler in tow, and I haven’t really been sleeping well and wake up most of the time with aches and just generally feeling terrible.

And it admittedly scares me a little because if I look back over the years, I can see myself progressively getting worse and worse, past points that I never pictured myself getting. Like when I first moved down here in 2003, I weighed about 215 and wanted to lose 20 pounds … even something like 225 seemed so far away that it really wasn’t that bad, and yet eventually over the years I passed 225, and 235, and 250, and so on…

It’s kind of embarrassing – I don’t even want to say how bad it’s gotten.

Ok, fuck it – today I weighed in at 270 pounds.

Which is scary both for the number itself, not to mention that 300 pounds doesn’t seem all that far away, even though previously I would’ve thought about it like some sort of ridiculous weight that really fat people weigh, but not me…

…just like I once felt about 250 pounds, too. 😛

So I’m writing here both a little bit to vent and also to work through the plan I’ve been devising in my head to get myself on a better track. Even though I know that I need to exercise eventually, too, I’m not gaining weight due to a lack of exercise, but to all of the horrible food that I’ve been eating, and so even though I’m generally not a fan of diets, per se, in favor of lifestyle changes longterm, since I haven’t actually been able to do that myself, we’re going to try things a little different this time!

For the next two weeks, instead of trying little changes over time, I want to try holding myself to a very strict diet in hopes of shocking myself into realizing that this is something that I can actually do if I put my mind to it because frankly, otherwise I just haven’t been taking the little changes seriously and eating a healthy breakfast followed by a box of Tastykakes for lunch kind of defeats the purpose altogether!

Anyways, here’s the challenge:

• The Nos…
  • No carbs (or at least no doughy carbs … fruit and whatever is fine)
  • No junk food … cookies, cakes, chips, candy, ice cream – basically, everything that I love
  • No fast food
  • No sugar cereal
  • No eating after midnight
• The Yeses…
  • Lots of protein – chicken, shrimp, turkey, fish, maybe even steak
  • Lots of fruit & vegetables
  • Experimenting with new kinds of salads
  • Gorging myself on tea

It’s going to be especially tough because it’s pumpkin season and I’m currently surrounded by donuts and cakes and other junk to review, but that’s all going to have to take a backseat for now … maybe I can review the healthier stuff or something, I don’t know.

I do know that I’m committing myself to hitting the grocery store more often because we have a habit of buying lots of diet food and then pitching it all in the trash after it spoils two weeks later, so maybe if I go with a single meal or two in mind (and spend less), it’ll be a bit easier.

We’ll see how this goes … of course I’m motivated today, but that’s how diets always go. Talk to me six hours from now when all I’ve had to eat was lettuce, tea, and a protein shake and see if I’m still on the wagon then!

Focus. Focus. Focus.