movie thoughts … A Good Day to Die Hard

January 22, 2014 12:51am
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MV5BMTcwNzgyNzUzOV5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwMzAwOTA5OA@@._V1_SX214_[1]I seriously still can’t believe that’s what they decided to name this movie … it’s only one step removed from Die Hardest … oh, wait. 🙁

I think that I actually started to watch this movie a few months ago On Demand and it was literally so bad that I just rolled over and went to sleep without even seeing how John McClane saved the day, all Russian-style and whatnot. And yet I was kind of bored this evening and didn’t feel like working, so the next thing I knew I had pulled up a pillow and a bowl of ice cream and was settling in to watch Die Hard 5 in all of its terrible, horrible, no good, very bad self…

My god, did this movie suck.

I mean, 4 was barely, but not really watchable, but 5 in essence watches more like a parody of a Die Hard movie rather than an actual sequel to one of the best action franchises of all time. It’s pretty bad when you make 2 look halfway decent.

Aside from the atrocious script and the stupid, made up conflict between him and his son that we’ve never heard two words about up until this point, I actually kind of wonder if it’s just Bruce Willis himself that I’ve kind of grown stale on in recent years because not for nothing, but he hasn’t exactly been knocking them out of the park like he used to! It’s kind of like a lot of the old action heroes from yesteryear – Stallone, Schwarzenegger, Ford – they still keep trying to do these same types of movies that they did 20 years ago, but instead of looking bad ass nowadays they just look tired.

Which is fine because most of them are now in their fifties, but know when to call it good already!

…except for Samuel L. Jackson, that is – that guy still knows how to carry the bad ass presence and he’s 65…  🙄

The whole premise of this film, though, just seemed so far fetched…

  1. He thwarts a terrorist attack during a Christmas party in Los Angeles.
  2. He thwarts a rogue military takeover of an airport in DC.
  3. He thwarts a plan to rob the Federal Reserve in New York City.
  4. He thwarts a cyber-terrorist once again in DC.
  5. He travels to Russia to help his kid who’s secretly a CIA agent???

See what I mean?! #5 makes the plot of #4 actually seem plausible, and #4 was complete and utter shit, too! It’s like they weren’t even trying anymore by the time they got to the fifth one – it makes you wonder if #6 is just going to be shots of Bruce Willis on set in his trailer where he randomly thwarts the guy who keeps snagging the last cheese danish!

Or maybe the moon … that seems like just as good a place as any to die hard! Die Hard 6: Without Oxygen

…channeling my inner Statler and Waldolf, kind of makes me wish that I could’ve watched THE LAST ONE without oxygen!

Oh Bruce … how did you fall so far?  🙁

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