Bill Is A Fucking Jackass

October 6, 2013 11:49am
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I saw this getting shared around last night (originally by Brian Krewson) and despite anyone who wants to pick holes in the analogy about how “They don’t want to drink the soda” or “We can’t afford the soda – Bill is the only one looking out for the company’s best interests,” I still think that it’s a pretty good high-level overview of the BS that’s currently holding the nation at a standstill…

So imagine that the company you work for held a poll and asked everyone if they thought it would be a good idea to put a soda machine in the break room. The poll came back and the majority of your colleagues said “Yes” indicating that they would like a soda machine. Some said no, but the majority said yes. So a week later, there’s a soda machine.

Now imagine that Bill in accounting voted against the soda machine. He has a strong hatred for caffeinated soft drinks, thinks they are bad you you, whatever. He campaigns throughout the office to get the machine removed. Well, management decides, “OK, we’ll ask again,” and again, the majority of people say, “Yes, let’s keep the soda machine.”

Bill continues to campaign and management continues to ask the employees, and every time, the answer is in favor of the soda machine. This happens, let’s say… 35 times. Eventually Bill says, “OK, I’M NOT PROCESSING PAYROLL ANYMORE UNTIL THE SODA MACHINE IS REMOVED,” so nobody will get paid unless management removes the machine.

What should we do???

Answer: Fire Bill and get someone who will do the fucking job.

Bonus: Bill tells everyone that he was willing to “Negotiate” to come to a solution where everyone got their payroll checks, but only so long as that negotiation capitulated to his demand to remove the soda machine.

Bill is a fucking jackass.

Again, whether you like the Affordable Care Act or not, this shutdown is an irresponsible way of trying to kill it, especially considering that repeals have failed 40 times, and our president got re-elected based on it, and its validity was even upheld by the Supreme Court. Let it go, do your fucking jobs and fund the government so that 800,000 people can get back to work, and then come up with a solution that’s not simply get rid of Obamacare because we don’t like Obamacare because … OBAMACARE?!?!?!?!?!

What’s happening right now is petty and embarrassing and we should all remember this next year when these people are up for re-election. Anyone in business knows that sometimes you have to learn when to let things go and when JOBS have been such a huge issue the last few years, how can you honestly collect a paycheck knowing that you’re keeping 800,000 government employees out of work because you refuse to admit that you lost this one?

Stop being a jackass and just do your jobs.

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