I try to be a good driver – I pull over into the far lane on the freeway when I see someone broke down alongside the road…but it kinda defeats the purpose if you swerve over and pass me on the right, buzzing the guy at 80 mph, now doesn’t it???
Happy Birthday to me!
I usually feel extremely old and out of it on my birthday, but this one’s not so bad…at least this far!
We did a little celebratory deal yesterday, with dinner and all. My sister drew me a comic all by herself (post-production included!), which is probably the coolest gift I’ve gotten in a while…
But don’t let my babbling slow you down – let the gift-giving frenzy continue!
…progress…
I’ve been writing all weekend and although I still have a long ways to go, I’m really getting somewhere this time.
After three years and thousands of dollars down the toilet, I can now boast that I completely own my own automobile.
And roughly thirty-three days from today, I’ll be stuck in traffic somewhere between Michigan and Florida. I couldn’t be happier, or at least not without the presence of a woman!
Fun with state mottos!
I wish that I could claim this as my own, but it just sorta appeared…
Alabama: Yes, We Have Electricity
Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can’t Be Wrong!
Arizona: But It’s a Dry Heat
Arkansas: Litterasy Ain’t Everthing
California: By 30 Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda
Colorado: If You Don’t Ski, Don’t Bother
Connecticut: Like Massachusetts, Only The Kennedys Don’t Own It Yet
Delaware: We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water
Florida: Ask Us About Our Grandkids
Georgia: We Put The “Fun” In Fundamentalist Extremism
Hawaii: Haka Tiki Mou Sha’ami Leeki Toru (Death To Mainland Scum, But Leave Your Money)
Idaho: More Than Just Potatoes… Well Okay, We’re Not, But The Potatoes Sure Are Real Good
Illinois: Please Don’t Pronounce the “S”
Indiana: 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free
Iowa: We Do Amazing Things With Corn
Kansas: First Of The Rectangle States
Kentucky: Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names
Louisiana: We’re Not ALL Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That’s Our Tourism Campaign
Maine: We’re Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster
Maryland: If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It
Massachusetts: Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden’s (For Most Tax Brackets)
Michigan: First Line Of Defense From The Canadians
Minnesota: 10,000 Lakes And 10,000,000,000 Mosquitoes
Mississippi: Come Feel Better About Your Own State
Missouri: Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars At Work
Montana: Land Of The Big Sky, The Unabomber, Right-Wing Crazies, & Very Little Else
Nebraska: Ask About Our State Motto Contest
Nevada: Whores and Poker!
New Hampshire: Spend Your Money, Then Go Away And Leave Us Alone
New Jersey: You Want A ##$%##! Motto? I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right Here!
New Mexico: Lizards Make Excellent Pets
New York: You Have The Right To Remain Silent, You Have The Right To An Attorney…
North Carolina: Tobacco Is A Vegetable
North Dakota: We Really Are One Of The 50 States!
Ohio: At Least We’re Not Michigan
Oklahoma: Like The Play, Only No Singing
Oregon: Spotted Owl… It’s What’s For Dinner
Pennsylvania: Cook With Coal
Rhode Island: We’re Not REALLY An Island
South Carolina: Remember The Civil War? Well, We Didn’t Actually Surrender
South Dakota: Closer Than North Dakota
Tennessee: The Educashun State
Texas: Si’ Hablo Ing’les (Yes, I Speak English)
Utah: Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus
Vermont: Ayuh
Virginia: Who Says Government Stiffs And Slackjaw Yokels Don’t Mix?
Washington: Help! We’re Overrun By Nerds And Slackers!
Washington, D.C.: Wanna Be Mayor?
West Virginia: One Big Happy Family…Really!
Wisconsin: Come Cut The Cheese
Wyoming: Where Men Are Men…And The Sheep Are Scared
wha???
Should I be slightly concerned that the technical support site for my web server now redirects to the personal site of a fat man who has an unhealthy obsession with swords?
I think so.
Funnier than Comedy Central???
Just a random list of those I’ve seen on the tube this evening, none of whom happened to be appearing on Comedy Central:
- Conan O’Brien
- Bill Mahr
- Jackie Chan
- Larry David
- Billy West
- Orlando Jones
- Michael J. Fox
- Al RokerThat’s right – a television weatherman is currently on my list of people that are more entertaining than the programming on Comedy Central. It’s a harsh world.
Just when you thought Jersey couldn’t get any worse…
Smelly Mystery Blob Takes Over N.J. Town
LITTLE EGG HARBOR TOWNSHIP, N.J. – It smells like rotten eggs at best, decomposing flesh at worst. It looks like the pods from “Invasion of the Body Snatchers.”
To the people whose homes back up onto a Tuckerton Creek tributary where the gelatinous substance recently appeared, it’s just “The Blob.”
“It’s frightening,” said Eileen Masterson. “We can’t swim because the odor is so horrible and we won’t crab here because we don’t know whether it’s safe.”
The substance, which was noticed about two weeks ago, consists of jelly-like bulbs that undulate with the waves just below the surface.<<FULL STORY>>
Comedy Central is going down the tubes…
I remember back to when our area’s cable infrastructure was first updated to support digital cable and all of the channels that come with it, and as far as I was concerned, this was the best one in the entire line-up. Interesting and non-retarded originals, backed by plenty of stand-up comedy filling all of the major time slots…so what the hell happened?!
It all started Sunday evening when I caught a late-night airing of The Roast of Denis Leary that I realized just how good that channel used to be. Not that I expected a whole lot out of Denis himself – I liked the Asshole song, but most of his comedy always seemed kinda harsh for me – but the entire roast itself was just awful, almost to the point of being mean. I’ve seen plenty of roasts that still managed to get the entire point of the roast itself across while still keeping the bleep count out of the three-digit range, but that didn’t seem to be an issue this time around. And even though I don’t really care for Jim Breuer’s comedy, either, I really think that he could’ve saved it all at the end, but instead he dropped the ball and just made the wounds even deeper! I thought it would’ve been pretty cool if he had started singing Asshole and then had Denis himself join in, yet somehow he thought it would be a better idea to butcher it with screaming and heavy metal, thus placing the icing on the cake that suck made.
And from the looks of it, this fall’s line-up isn’t going to be any better, either. The Man Show just won’t be the same without Adam and Jimmy, no questions asked, but to top things off, Joe Rogan is filthy and hell, I don’t even know who Doug Stanhope is! I truly believe that this will be the season where this show actually does go too far, which is really too bad because it used to be hilarious. If you’ve ever heard Joe’s comedy album, you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about – he was entertaining on Fear Factor because NBC kept a close eye on him and he had to watch his mouth, but now that he’s on cable, oh how the profanities will fly… The other new originals coming up are just pathetic, hardly even worth mentioning here, but I guess all I can really say is that I expected more from Comedy Central, especially with all of the reality-based crap on every other network, yet they somehow managed to squeeze themselves right into the mold between Temptation Island: Triplets and Who Wants to Marry an Imposter? with the greatest of ease.
I knew there was a reason that I kept paying for HBO and the “premium” channels…
Mondays suck
I just need one good thing to happen to me sometime today – that’s all I ask!
Tell him I hate him!
Oh yeah, and next Tuesday is scheduled to be the most awesomest day in August:
And if that wasn’t somehow good enough, just yesterday I heard that Futurama: The Video Game will be released at the end of the week. Life can only go downhill from here…