Back to the Future

God, I love this book!

In the Year 2000…

  • An entomologist will discover a new social structure among honeybees – there are queens, workers, drones, and pollen whores.
  • The military changes its “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy in favor of the controversial “prove you’re gay, I’ll be waiting in the foxhole” policy.
  • After millions of years of stability, the food chain will suddenly reverse. Zebras will hunt down lions. Pop-Tarts will hunt down man.
  • A desperate, sex-starved Monica Lewinsky will be spotted licking rocks at the base of Mount Rushmore.
  • Plants will stop relying on sunlight, soil, and water when they taste their first chili dog.
  • In the most unwelcome medical breakthrough ever, a cure is finally found for obesity: nudism.
  • Plants the world over will stop producing oxygen in an attempt to rid the earth of “the Michael Bolton Problem.”

And last but not least…

  • After several cohosts of The View disappear mysteriously, new cohosts are warned not to accept Star Jones’s traditional welcoming gift: a sleeping bag made of French bread.

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