Rapture Watch 2011

May 17, 2011 9:00pm
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I don’t really keep up on my religious nonsense these days, but I’ll admit that I got a good chuckle when I came across this company in the paper today who’s made a business out of offering to care for believers’ pets after the rapture takes them to heaven. That’s right, for only $135, you can rest assured that when you’re up there chillin’ with the Lord and whatnot, these folks will see fit that your beloved pets are taken care of … you know, until the entire world bursts into flames and life ceases to exist, of course!

The best part? As ridiculous as this sounds, they’ve already gotten 250 people to sign up for their service, which at $135+ a piece is a cool $33,750.

I mean, even if this rapture of theirs does come, who’s going to follow up on them to make sure that somebody actually goes to retrieve and take care of Fluffy and Buttercup in your divine absence?! Even if they do have binoculars or something in heaven to look back down, what are they going to do – call Eternal Earth-Bound Pets Customer Service to complain???

One other thing about this rapture thingy that I just did the math on – so there are supposed to be 144,000 believers who are “saved” in this event, right?

There are currently about 6.92 BILLION people on the planet.

That means that a whopping 0.000021% of the Earth’s population is set to be saved, which begs the question … other than that obnoxious, born-again guy from the bus stop not being there anymore, are the rest of us really even going to notice that these folks are gone?! That’s like losing the city of Bridgeport, CT (where?), or a little less than half the people who die from obesity in the US each year, or about 7.5 people from every single town in America.

Other than maybe having a couple of extra seats available at the bus stop or maybe an extra lane or two at the bowling alley, I guess I’m just not seeing what the real benefit of this whole thing is for the rest of us!

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