It’s on, baby!

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Well, it’s now official – as of 5:00 PM, the Battle of the Bulge has begun and this time, I’m not taking no for an answer…

After four months two years of making absolutely ziltch for progress in the game of weight loss, I had the bright idea to kick things up a notch and make it all a little more interesting. You see, Kurt has been wanting to lose the poundage for a while now, too, so we’ve opted to make a bit of a competition out of it. The goal – lose 30 lbs. before the other guy. The prize – more or less, an all-expenses-paid trip to Disney World. Sweet, eh?

I can tell already that I’m going to have to do some shopping this weekend and restock my kitchen with some healthier foods, but it should all be worth it in the end. Even if I don’t win (which I will), if this is the motivation that it takes to whittle this gut back down into something that doesn’t scare the kids at the beach, then so be it! I’ll be sure to make regular reports as the pounds melt away, so wish me luck!

And not a moment too soon!

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I just finished my taxes…finally.

I feel a little better about my federal return, though, as I managed to whittle it down to the point where I only had to write a check for $51 and honestly, I’m just absolutely tickled pink by that! Of course, the entire return ended up being NINE PAGES LONG and it took me roughly three months to fill out, but at least it’ll be a little easier for next year, right?

That having been said, the State of Michigan can kiss my ass!!! The money I made up there wasn’t even comparable to what I get down here, and yet those greedy fucks managed to get a chunk of it anyways. Sure, it looks like they’re dividing things up equally when you’re filling the forms out, but all I know is that I wrote a similar check to the State that was only $10 shy of my federal return, which is absolutely ridiculous. Well, enjoy it while you can, guys, because that was the last year that you’ll be getting a dime from me…

Thank God it’s finally over for another year!

Peter Cottontail and such…

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[Late weekend post … deal with it.]

What an interesting Easter holiday, I’ll tell ya! Kurt and Nikki were kind enough to invite me over to their family gathering because the commute would’ve been a bit much for me, and it’s certainly nice to see that my family isn’t the only dysfunctional one on the block! Not so much fighting, per se, but they’ve definitely got their “less-favorite family members” just like we do…but nonetheless, it was a fun afternoon – definitely nice to get out of the house. We hid eggs for the kids, played a little darts, and ate lots of food – and I made my famous deviled eggs, which went over fabulously!

Easter never was that big of a holiday for us, but after seeing the other perspective by watching the kids, I can see the appeal – not just yet, though…

Back to the Future

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God, I love this book!

In the Year 2000…

  • An entomologist will discover a new social structure among honeybees – there are queens, workers, drones, and pollen whores.
  • The military changes its “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy in favor of the controversial “prove you’re gay, I’ll be waiting in the foxhole” policy.
  • After millions of years of stability, the food chain will suddenly reverse. Zebras will hunt down lions. Pop-Tarts will hunt down man.
  • A desperate, sex-starved Monica Lewinsky will be spotted licking rocks at the base of Mount Rushmore.
  • Plants will stop relying on sunlight, soil, and water when they taste their first chili dog.
  • In the most unwelcome medical breakthrough ever, a cure is finally found for obesity: nudism.
  • Plants the world over will stop producing oxygen in an attempt to rid the earth of “the Michael Bolton Problem.”

And last but not least…

  • After several cohosts of The View disappear mysteriously, new cohosts are warned not to accept Star Jones’s traditional welcoming gift: a sleeping bag made of French bread.

…not so friendly after all…

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I don’t like even admitting this, but I reluctantly joined…Friendster the other night.

Mind you, this was the same service that I mocked a year or whatever ago, but a friend of mine made a convincing argument and I actually fell for it! It turns out, however, that Friendster has another interesting feature, along with allowing folks to network via e-mail with other friends, and that feature is that every time I loaded their page, I somehow could no longer view graphics on any web page until I rebooted Internet Explorer! I first thought it was just their problem because I had difficulty loading a lot of the photos, but then I went to my own site and suddenly couldn’t see anything of mine, either, and that just doesn’t sit well for my ego at all!

So for the three friends of mine that use Friendster, it’s back to regular, old e-mail-ster for now because I’m never, ever visiting that “service” again. If I need to reboot just to check out a little porn in between friends, then it simply isn’t worth my time…

I am the lobster…

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Well, what can I say, if the shoe fits, then by all means, goo goo g’joob, baby!

Right now I feel much envy for the creature in this picture because, needless to say, at least he’s dead. I, on the other hand, am sunburned there, too, and right now I’m pondering how exactly I’m going to fall asleep standing up…that pool is looking better and better already!

So today, I went along with Kurt and his wife to check out Airfest 2004 down at MacDill Air Force Base and I guess all that I can really say is, “Wow!” Last year was virtually jet-free, as that time and paycheck had already been devoted to getting my ass down here in the first place, so it was pretty cool to be able to get back into the swing of things with friends. We toured planes, I got a chance to see MacDill for the very first time (big place!), and in the end, the Blue Angels put on a performance that left me thankful that I don’t have wings myself! Of course, I was amazed also, but two jets going up to 700 mph and crossing within 18 inches of each other is, in my humble opinion, completely fucking nuts…

All in all, it was a great show and I’m already looking forward to next year’s performance. I might even consider packing some sunblock for the trip, but no promises until the day of the show!

the Current scam

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Ok, so it’s probably not just Current who does it, but why do I only get five freaking deposit slips in a book of forty checks?! I write, like, maybe ten checks a month, yet I have several deposits…

…it feels like the whole “hot dogs in packages of ten, hot dog buns in packages of eight” scam all over again!

shoot ’em up

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I was never much of a first-person shooter kind of guy.

Wolfenstein, Doom, and that was about it. I might’ve dabbled in a bit of Heretic and Hexen from time to time, but I never really cared for any of the actual war simulation games (i.e. Tom Clancy’s creations). That all changed last weekend when I spent most of my Sunday afternoon playing Ghost Recon (yes, a Clancy title…) – now I feel like I’ve misjudged an entire genre’s worth of games!

I don’t know – I think it stems back to simply a few bad experiences with these types of games, as pretty much everyone I’d ever played them with just took them WAY too seriously. You see, for the most part I suck at these games, so of course it’s really tough being on my team because I’ll tend to drag the whole group down! Sure, shooting the new guy friendly-fire-like does get its laughs for a while, but when you need somebody to watch your back and I’m a half a mile away trying to figure out how to look somewhere other than the ground, I guess I can understand the frustration! Nonetheless, I guess I just got tired of the crap and moved on to finding other ways to spend my time…

Well, now things have changed and I think I may just very well give it another go. I’ve been practicing on and off for the past week, and most of yesterday was spent doing the same, so at least when I meet up with Kurt to give the multiplayer another go, he won’t have to worry about getting a stray bullet in the back…at least not from me! You won’t catch me playing online any time soon, though, that’s for sure, but maybe some day after a little more practice.

Ok, lots more practice!