Back to the Future

Posted on by Scott / 0 Comment

God, I love this book!

In the Year 2000…

  • An entomologist will discover a new social structure among honeybees – there are queens, workers, drones, and pollen whores.
  • The military changes its “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy in favor of the controversial “prove you’re gay, I’ll be waiting in the foxhole” policy.
  • After millions of years of stability, the food chain will suddenly reverse. Zebras will hunt down lions. Pop-Tarts will hunt down man.
  • A desperate, sex-starved Monica Lewinsky will be spotted licking rocks at the base of Mount Rushmore.
  • Plants will stop relying on sunlight, soil, and water when they taste their first chili dog.
  • In the most unwelcome medical breakthrough ever, a cure is finally found for obesity: nudism.
  • Plants the world over will stop producing oxygen in an attempt to rid the earth of “the Michael Bolton Problem.”

And last but not least…

  • After several cohosts of The View disappear mysteriously, new cohosts are warned not to accept Star Jones’s traditional welcoming gift: a sleeping bag made of French bread.

…not so friendly after all…

Posted on by Scott / 3 Comments

I don’t like even admitting this, but I reluctantly joined…Friendster the other night.

Mind you, this was the same service that I mocked a year or whatever ago, but a friend of mine made a convincing argument and I actually fell for it! It turns out, however, that Friendster has another interesting feature, along with allowing folks to network via e-mail with other friends, and that feature is that every time I loaded their page, I somehow could no longer view graphics on any web page until I rebooted Internet Explorer! I first thought it was just their problem because I had difficulty loading a lot of the photos, but then I went to my own site and suddenly couldn’t see anything of mine, either, and that just doesn’t sit well for my ego at all!

So for the three friends of mine that use Friendster, it’s back to regular, old e-mail-ster for now because I’m never, ever visiting that “service” again. If I need to reboot just to check out a little porn in between friends, then it simply isn’t worth my time…

I am the lobster…

Posted on by Scott / 0 Comment

Well, what can I say, if the shoe fits, then by all means, goo goo g’joob, baby!

Right now I feel much envy for the creature in this picture because, needless to say, at least he’s dead. I, on the other hand, am sunburned there, too, and right now I’m pondering how exactly I’m going to fall asleep standing up…that pool is looking better and better already!

So today, I went along with Kurt and his wife to check out Airfest 2004 down at MacDill Air Force Base and I guess all that I can really say is, “Wow!” Last year was virtually jet-free, as that time and paycheck had already been devoted to getting my ass down here in the first place, so it was pretty cool to be able to get back into the swing of things with friends. We toured planes, I got a chance to see MacDill for the very first time (big place!), and in the end, the Blue Angels put on a performance that left me thankful that I don’t have wings myself! Of course, I was amazed also, but two jets going up to 700 mph and crossing within 18 inches of each other is, in my humble opinion, completely fucking nuts…

All in all, it was a great show and I’m already looking forward to next year’s performance. I might even consider packing some sunblock for the trip, but no promises until the day of the show!

the Current scam

Posted on by Scott / 3 Comments

Ok, so it’s probably not just Current who does it, but why do I only get five freaking deposit slips in a book of forty checks?! I write, like, maybe ten checks a month, yet I have several deposits…

…it feels like the whole “hot dogs in packages of ten, hot dog buns in packages of eight” scam all over again!

shoot ’em up

Posted on by Scott / 0 Comment

I was never much of a first-person shooter kind of guy.

Wolfenstein, Doom, and that was about it. I might’ve dabbled in a bit of Heretic and Hexen from time to time, but I never really cared for any of the actual war simulation games (i.e. Tom Clancy’s creations). That all changed last weekend when I spent most of my Sunday afternoon playing Ghost Recon (yes, a Clancy title…) – now I feel like I’ve misjudged an entire genre’s worth of games!

I don’t know – I think it stems back to simply a few bad experiences with these types of games, as pretty much everyone I’d ever played them with just took them WAY too seriously. You see, for the most part I suck at these games, so of course it’s really tough being on my team because I’ll tend to drag the whole group down! Sure, shooting the new guy friendly-fire-like does get its laughs for a while, but when you need somebody to watch your back and I’m a half a mile away trying to figure out how to look somewhere other than the ground, I guess I can understand the frustration! Nonetheless, I guess I just got tired of the crap and moved on to finding other ways to spend my time…

Well, now things have changed and I think I may just very well give it another go. I’ve been practicing on and off for the past week, and most of yesterday was spent doing the same, so at least when I meet up with Kurt to give the multiplayer another go, he won’t have to worry about getting a stray bullet in the back…at least not from me! You won’t catch me playing online any time soon, though, that’s for sure, but maybe some day after a little more practice.

Ok, lots more practice!

It has begun…

Posted on by Scott / 0 Comment

Well, tonight I finally began working on the formatting for one of my upcoming books – the compilation one, to be exact. Two columns down, another thirty already written ones to go, and about a dozen that still need to be written. It’s actually a pretty simple task…the formatting, that is…but just tedious.

On that note, if you happen to know of any struggling artists who would like to make some cash, feel free to point them in my direction! I’m looking for about twelve – fifteen black & white, single-panel cartoons to run with some of the columns (much like Jeff MacNelly did for Dave Barry), plus a little something extra for the cover. I haven’t decided what I’m going to offer yet, but I’ll do my best to make it worth said person’s time… 😉