Just when you thought Jersey couldn’t get any worse…

Smelly Mystery Blob Takes Over N.J. Town

LITTLE EGG HARBOR TOWNSHIP, N.J. – It smells like rotten eggs at best, decomposing flesh at worst. It looks like the pods from “Invasion of the Body Snatchers.”

To the people whose homes back up onto a Tuckerton Creek tributary where the gelatinous substance recently appeared, it’s just “The Blob.”

“It’s frightening,” said Eileen Masterson. “We can’t swim because the odor is so horrible and we won’t crab here because we don’t know whether it’s safe.”

The substance, which was noticed about two weeks ago, consists of jelly-like bulbs that undulate with the waves just below the surface.<<FULL STORY>>

Comedy Central is going down the tubes…

I remember back to when our area’s cable infrastructure was first updated to support digital cable and all of the channels that come with it, and as far as I was concerned, this was the best one in the entire line-up. Interesting and non-retarded originals, backed by plenty of stand-up comedy filling all of the major time slots…so what the hell happened?!

Reno 911! – I’m with Busey – The Funniest Gerbils West of Connecticut

It all started Sunday evening when I caught a late-night airing of The Roast of Denis Leary that I realized just how good that channel used to be. Not that I expected a whole lot out of Denis himself – I liked the Asshole song, but most of his comedy always seemed kinda harsh for me – but the entire roast itself was just awful, almost to the point of being mean. I’ve seen plenty of roasts that still managed to get the entire point of the roast itself across while still keeping the bleep count out of the three-digit range, but that didn’t seem to be an issue this time around. And even though I don’t really care for Jim Breuer’s comedy, either, I really think that he could’ve saved it all at the end, but instead he dropped the ball and just made the wounds even deeper! I thought it would’ve been pretty cool if he had started singing Asshole and then had Denis himself join in, yet somehow he thought it would be a better idea to butcher it with screaming and heavy metal, thus placing the icing on the cake that suck made.

And from the looks of it, this fall’s line-up isn’t going to be any better, either. The Man Show just won’t be the same without Adam and Jimmy, no questions asked, but to top things off, Joe Rogan is filthy and hell, I don’t even know who Doug Stanhope is! I truly believe that this will be the season where this show actually does go too far, which is really too bad because it used to be hilarious. If you’ve ever heard Joe’s comedy album, you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about – he was entertaining on Fear Factor because NBC kept a close eye on him and he had to watch his mouth, but now that he’s on cable, oh how the profanities will fly… The other new originals coming up are just pathetic, hardly even worth mentioning here, but I guess all I can really say is that I expected more from Comedy Central, especially with all of the reality-based crap on every other network, yet they somehow managed to squeeze themselves right into the mold between Temptation Island: Triplets and Who Wants to Marry an Imposter? with the greatest of ease.

I knew there was a reason that I kept paying for HBO and the “premium” channels…

Feh.

Only one more day…

…and my week of twelve hour work days will finally be over. The good news is that when I get paid in two weeks, I’ll have enough to buy the rest of my car from the bank. The bad news is that I haven’t gotten squat done all week because I’ve spent so much time at work – hopefully I can get mostly caught up this weekend without sleeping through the whole thing, but I make no promises! Tomorrow night I’m grilling out steaks after I get home from work, then it’s just me, a bottle of Corona, and my laptop as I pound out a couple new chapters that I’ve been contemplating for Leaving Miami…and maybe I’ll work on some of those deadlines, too…

Some days you just can’t get rid of a bomb…

Where has the summer gone? No, seriously – it’s freakin’ August already! It won’t be long before there’s snow and ice all over the ground and Santa Claus starts doing his thing once again…he does deliver to the beach, though, doesn’t he???

Random Notes:

  • Among many others, I watched Batman: The Movie last night and if someone can show me an awesome-r film from said genre, I will eat a live frog.
  • I made a giant fruit salad this evening in hopes of somewhat controlling my diet over the next week. All the colors of the rainbow were represented in this concoction, with the exceptions of blue and purple because, well, what the hell fruits are blue and purple?
  • Only sixteen more days and two balloon payments and I will completely own my first car, and that will totally rock.
  • I watched the majority of Blue Crushas well and even though the plot seemed a little shaky, I think I actually enjoyed. This could very well be simply because Kate Bosworth is extremely hot, but what’s wrong with that?!
  • I also got a fairly nice photo of a rainbow while I was driving around lost in the country over the weekend. I wouldn’t say that it necessarily inspiredthe fruit salad, but you never know…
  • Instead of finishing up the four or five extended writing projects that I have already, I started a new one this weekend – a story entitled Leaving Miami. It was partially inspired by the short stories at the end of Drew Carey’s book, Dirty Jokes and Beer, and partially because I really wanted to get off my ass and start writing some fiction again. I’m going to hold off on posting it online until I get at least a half a dozen or so chapters done, but I’ve already written the opening chapter and parts of two others and I’m already very pleased at how it looks.
  • Correction: grapescan indeed be purple, but I’m still stumped on the blue one.
  • Today my Mom offered to buy me a plane ticket to Florida for my birthday so that I can go do interviews and find a place to live and whatnot. I turned her down and told her that I would find something else for her to get me, but I actually do have my reasons…believe it or not.
  • Bulleted points are fun!
  • Just Laugh’s biggest promotional venture, the Weenie Awards, are coming up here again in less than a month and I haven’t put the slightest thought into who deserves to be nominated this year.
  • In roughly two weeks, I’ll be in the Upper Peninsula taking pictures of waterfalls and I’m quite looking forward to it.
  • I thinkI’ve convinced my sister that she should be drawing her comic more often because it’s very good and more people would read it, but I’m never 100% sure until the next strip hits my desk and it’s really aggravating.
  • New strings finally showed up for my acoustic guitar, but I never got around to putting them on and actually playing this weekend…and the next week doesn’t exactly look good, either.
  • I’ve also owned the latest Harry Potter novel for over a month and I’ve yet to read a single page of it.
  • But my new fish seem to be getting along quite well and have managed to avoid killing each other for a week or two now, so that should certainly count for something!
  • I need to stop bulleting and just go to bed…But tomorrow is another day. Woo-ha!

I’d lose my head if it weren’t stapled on…

Somehow I managed to lose a book of checks.

Either that or they got ordered with a really bizarre starting number, but I’ve done the math and I just don’t see how that’s possible. It’s not like it’s a huge deal – there’s not a whole lot of money in there anyways, but it seems kind of stupid to have to buy another eight books of the things when I’m going to be changing banks and addresses in a few months anyways. It took me something like two years to go through the last batch that I ordered – why doesn’t anybody sell these things only a couple books at a time???

Writers Wanted! (This means you!)

Another Tale of Two Summers...

“Who knew that lost luggage would be the very least of their problems?”

Are you a writer who’s looking to flex his or her creative skills this summer? How about one that could just really use a new project to help pass the time?! Either way, Just Laugh magazine has just the thing that can help cure your summertime blues in the form of our latest creative collaboration entitled, Another Tale of Two Summers… and frankly, if you answered ‘YES’ to either of the questions above, we happen to think that you just might be perfect for the job!

This story stems back to a project we did last year called A Tale of Two Summers… which followed the path of two unsuspecting young ladies who found themselves in a bit of a pickle when they discovered that their boss was involved with some shady business. Our tale this year picks up where the last ended and the girls are taking a well-deserved vacation to Bermuda, or at least they think they are…

We’re still looking for writers to help lead our heroines along on their journey, so please check out the details on our website if you’re interested! A submission form can also be found at this same address – just click on the ‘Help Wanted’ link on the left-hand side of the page:

http://www.justlaugh.com/waste/anothertale/

Applicants will be accepted pretty much until the story is completed, so it’s never too late to sign yourself up for a piece of the action! In the meantime, enjoy the show…

Ouch!

I have a blister on my little toe – a blister that is nearly larger than the whole toe itself. It doesn’t feel very good at all.