Is Pooh helping you poo???

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I just amused myself…

Gave Christopher his Pooh bear to cuddle with because he’s having trouble pooping, along with the comment, “Is Pooh going to help you poo???”

But I wasn’t even thinking about the simple Pooh Poo joke. It gets deeper than that.

No, instead my mind went to that Winnie the Pooh story where Pooh gets stuck in Rabbit’s House, and it just made me figure that if anyone is uniquely qualified to get a large object through a small hole, it should be him!

I’m off to buy antlers for my son’s butt now.

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Lowe’s Consumer Credit Card Site Continues Being Awful…

lowes

I couldn’t login to my account just now – it kept giving me that second security question about “In what city is your vacation home?” which seemed a little odd because I don’t remember ever buying a vacation home, so it would be silly for me to pick that as one of my security questions.

For a brief second, I was worried that maybe my account had been compromised and somebody had went and bought $4,000 worth of lumber on my card, but while waiting for their IVR to let me talk to an actual person, the website finally said, “Oh, I see you’re having some trouble answering this question!” and let me login with my account number and that crap instead.

Note that it also had me select new security questions at that time.

Nonetheless, the first thing I did when I logged in was pull up my security questions to verify that my new ones were listed so that I wouldn’t have that problem again.

I think we found the problem – who would’ve guessed that I had a vacation home in “a” … which just so happens to be the same “a” where I went to high school?! 🙄

Dear Nintendo Power…

npI got a real kick out of this series of posts from a long-time Nintendo fan where he’s actually been able to interview a handful of Nintendo Game Counselors on what their work experiences were like back in the day.

I definitely agree that at least at the time, being a game counselor would’ve pretty much been the awesomest job in the world for a pre-teen me who played Nintendo 23 hours a day and wanted to live inside of that Nintendo Power ad that showed a bedroom decked out from floor to ceiling with World of Nintendo gear! Of course, in hindsight having worked in a call center several years later, it may not have made for the best long-term career goal, but if I had been straight out of high school with the options help kids beat video games vs. sweep the warehouse until you’re lucky enough to get to drive a truck at 3am instead … I guess that still would’ve been pretty sweet!

I never was allowed to call the 900-number, but I’m still amazed how they took the time to actually write return letters to kids like me who would write in about their greatest achievements and the games that currently had them stumped. I kind of wish that I somehow had access to the original letters that I had sent out to Nintendo because I can just picture an 11 year-old me studiously typing away at the typewriter about how he just can’t figure out how to defeat Odin the basement of Baron Castle in Final Fantasy 2! 😀

That said, what I do have is the actual responses that I received from the various times that I wrote to Nintendo, and after a bit of Morning Toast inspiration, I went ahead and scanned mine, too. It doesn’t look like he’s managed to interview any of the three folks who answered my questions, but hey, there’s still time!

Does That Downvoting Asshole on Reddit Really Exist???

I’m still kind of shocked to read that this is how it really works … kinda changes my whole perspective on Reddit, at least a little!

It’s always baffled me whenever I saw random posts that could only be derived as being overwhelmingly positive, only to see that the post had earned itself a number of downvotes in addition to all of its upvotes. I’ve even gotten these myself in some really benign scenarios (i.e. trading Lego minifigs), and I’d always attributed it to there just being some miserable fucks on Reddit who hate everything and everyone and who take a particular joy in shitting on people’s parades.

Granted, that still might be a fair assessment for some corners of Reddit, but apparently there’s also a perfectly legitimate explanation for some of those downvotes, and that’s simply because … apparently they’re not really real.

From the Reddit FAQ – How is a submission’s score determined?

A submission’s score is simply the number of upvotes minus the number of downvotes. If five users like the submission and three users don’t it will have a score of 2. Please note that the vote numbers are not “real” numbers, they have been “fuzzed” to prevent spam bots etc. So taking the above example, if five users upvoted the submission, and three users downvote it, the upvote/downvote numbers may say 23 upvotes and 21 downvotes, or 12 upvotes, and 10 downvotes. The points score is correct, but the vote totals are “fuzzed”.

So basically there’s no way to actually see the split between up and down … the total is the only thing that’s correct, which kind of begs the question as to why even show up and down values in the first place if they’re potentially false. But whatever, I guess the takeaway here is that there might not be as many assholes on Reddit as you think.

I mean, there probably still are, but there might not be…

I Enjoy the Comedy of Hannibal Buress

51u01v4MD1L._SL500_AA280_[1]When I’m not listening to The Sounds of the ’80s on Pandora, my other channel of preference is comedy and Hannibal’s tracks seem to show up a lot. Sometimes it’s hard to Thumbs Up his stuff when it comes on without risking putting the car into a ditch – depending on which track it is, I don’t necessarily like him that much, but he’s still a funny fellow and there’s been more than one pizza run in the last couple of months where I’ve exhausted all of my Next button clicks in search of his comedy that never comes.

Well, the other day I finally remembered that you can actually buy albums to listen to, too, so I did that with two of Hannibal’s albums and I think it’s safe to say that I’ve gotten at least $19.98 worth of comedy out of those two purchases thus far.

Some of my favorite lines:

  • “I didn’t know that about myself until today, but I don’t hang out with anybody that quotes rape statistics.”
  • “There’s no such thing as sippable bomb water – you’re being silly right now!”
  • “They asked me if I wanted to go perform for the troops in Afghanistan … no! Do the troops have YouTube? I’ve got a bunch of shit on YouTube…”
  • “Oh, man – I’ve gotta … get a team. I don’t have a team, I just have … friends.”
  • “I was so caught up in the euphoria of having all of that apple juice that for a minute I lived in this world where racism didn’t exist…”

Dream Journal : Senior High, Revisited

It started off as the first day of my senior year of high school.

Except apparently in this version of high school you actually registered for classes on your first day instead of well in advance … sort of … I’m not really sure! I had somehow gotten a list of where I was supposed to go emailed to me in advance, so I waited in line with everyone else for a line bit and then randomly just stopped doing that and went to my first “class” instead.

Which was where things started getting weird because as I went to sit down on one of the plush, cushy sofas that filled the “classroom” for this particular “class,” I noticed either my ex-girlfriend or my current girlfriend … it was really unclear which she was, only that I both wanted to talk to her and wanted to avoid her at the same time!

So yeah, pretty much my high school experience in a nutshell.

Aside from that, what was really weird about “the class” was that although it started out being something about some horror movie that I had no interest in, it turned out to be this really cool class about film studies that apparently was highly coveted among students. The guy’s presentation ended with him saying something like, “On average, 33 of 35 of our students graduate with A’s in this class, and it’s going to fill up in about 30 seconds … so good luck with that!”

By the time the presentation was over, I had somehow transported to the front of the class to see things better, but when I turned to see the girl I had been avoiding, she had already left with whatever friends she was there with.

The school seemed to transform a lot throughout this experience, as at one point I found myself wandering into a boy scout meeting that was apparently using one of the rooms in the school, although I quickly left after looking around and realizing that I knew absolutely no one in the troop that was doing their thing.

Even in dream world, going to a scout meeting felt very uncool and I tried to make sure that nobody saw me leaving as I did! 😛

The school continued to change and it soon seemed like I found myself more in a shopping mall/arcade than it did a high school. I don’t think I even went to anymore “classes” at this point, instead just wandering around looking for the girl. At one point I passed a candy store that had these little pumpkin truffles for sale, which I passed on and then was immediately reminded that they were pumpkin by one of my classmates, so apparently some things like that will follow you anywhere!

There was also a random stint where I went to check out my locker, which was weird for a number of reasons … one, because apparently I was right next to Sara, though we weren’t in a relationship or anything that I could tell and I was more surprised that she had a locker next to me because our names weren’t near each other alphabetically and she went to a different school anyways! Two, I was pissed because they were super-smaller than ever, and for mine in that little drawer up top where you can keep books, there was an air conditioning unit taking up the entire space, so I was just SOL there. And third, when I finally noticed just how thin the lockers were – ours weren’t up against a wall, but instead free-standing in the middle of a room – they were only maybe 6″ across for both lockers on either side.

The locker scene ended when a couple of bimbos got in a fight in the next row over and knocked the stupid lockers over altogether. It didn’t really phase me because mine was too small to be of use anyways…

Back on the hunt, after walking through an arcade area that looked really cool, though I didn’t stop because I still wanted to find this girl and either ask her what was up or chew her out … I wasn’t really sure … finally a particularly bitchy girl came running up and said that she’d just saw her, but didn’t want to tell me where she was. I eventually got it out of her and ended up making an entire lap around the place without ever seeing her. It wasn’t until I circled back around to the arcade again when I was just about ready to give up and play some games instead, that I finally found her, but she was laughing and playing games and having a good time with the people she was with, I ended up just letting go and walking away.

On my way out of the complex towards the buses or whatever, there was a very vast and open sandy area that we had to walk across. I was randomly walking with a bunch of other kids, and then I noticed these strange things buried just underneath the surface in between random patches of grass in the sand. Another kid stepped on one, and a huge snake popped out of the ground – maybe a foot long or more, but very thick and palish white looking (i.e. creepy) – yet he just sort of laughed as he threw it to the side while it tried to bite him. A moment later, I stepped on one, too, but it just hit my pants leg and bounced off harmlessly.

As we continued walking out, the crowd quickly slimmed to I don’t know where until it was just me and a bunch of huge semis pulling away – apparently they actually held the arcade that we’d seen and were already packed up to move on to the next school.

Fade to black. 🙄

Indie Authors Quitting Their Day Jobs

I stumbled across this post very much at random, but have found it to be particularly inspiring and actually I’ve been refreshing it every couple of days for the past week or so just to see what new comments are added to the thread!

Hundreds of independent authors at various stages in their careers – some just trying to get their first title done, some seeing tens of thousands of dollars a month in royalties, some that have happily left their “evil day jobs” behind and others still working and making good progress towards that goal.

http://www.thepassivevoice.com/06/2014/indie-authors-quitting-their-day-jobs/

Good luck ever mining this kind of professional feedback from traditional publishing… 😉